Thursday, February 18, 2010

Excerpt

Now that I have a blog schedule, yes, yes I do, today, Thursday is excerpt day. On Thursday's I will post a little piece of something-something to let you see I am actually working on my writing. However today, I'm going to post two excerpts from the same book. The first one is the original scene from Masquerade. The second is the final draft that is in the book. It's just to let you know I know how to revise. And spoon foam.

Original

So what do you think?


***Sorry this post has been removed by the author.

14 comments:

sarahjayne smythe said...

I like the tightening up you did for this in your edit. I'm a big fan of that in my own writing. I think it works really well here. :)

Tara said...

Really great edit. The pov shift worked wonders for it.

It always amazes me how hard it is to let go of that original thought/scene and tweak it. It amazes me more when I realize that, when I do it--and apply all my found writing knowledge, it works so much better.

Piedmont Writer said...

Sarah Jayne -- Thanks. I think so too.

Tara -- Yeah, I liked the POV shift too. I think in finding my voice over the last year I realize I write better from a man's POV than a woman's. Yeah, go figure.

Summer said...

In my WIP, my male protag's voice is much, much stronger than the female's. Not sure about that right now, but it's going to take some work.

I love the description of the manor! All around a great revision.

Piedmont Writer said...

Summer -- Thanks. Spooned a lot of foam there.

Shelley Sly said...

Nicely edited. Both scenes were very vivid to me, though.

As a little project to keep me writing, I'm currently editing my first book, changing from third person to multiple first persons and seeing what changes. Even if it doesn't do anything miraculous and make the book publishable, it's a neat exercise in writing the same scene from different perspectives.

Piedmont Writer said...

Shelley -- Thanks. That seems a monumental task and I wouldn't try it. I have enought trouble with 3rd person POV as it is.

Summer said...

Later comment: Check out my blog! I have something for you there. :-)

Piedmont Writer said...

I was just there and received it thank you very much. I will be posting it tomorrow. I've got to think, think, think.

roxy said...

I really enjoyed this! You are an excellent writer, and I would love to read more. The setting and dialogue are great.

Piedmont Writer said...

Thank you Roxy that's so nice of you to say.

Lady Glamis said...

I love the revision! Talk about evolving! It feels tighter and more focused, and William's POV seems strong. I love reading your excerpts! I never do this on my blog. You are much braver than I.

Piedmont Writer said...

Thanks Glamaliscious -- that's high praise coming from you. 'Preciate it.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

I loved loved loved the description of the house. I'm not good at house descriptions at all. I'm envious. Thank you for sharing this!!