Monday, May 3, 2010

The Lie Revealed

Good Monday Morning gentle readers. I hope you had a pleasant weekend. I cruised around the blogosphere reading Last Line Blogfest entries and they were all whizz-bang that's for sure. I should have entered but I gave out awards instead. For those of you who haven't picked up yours, please do so. Both Friday and Saturday's posts so scroll down. See if you're there.

I'm feeling almost back to my old self. They say the first week is the hardest and they are so right. But I'm coming back now and watch out. I've got a lot of stuff to talk about.

A couple of shorts:

The Birthday Fairy did bestow upon me the digital camera that I've been coveting. So soon I will be sharing pictures (as soon as I figure out how to use it.)

I finished hanging the first act of the fence. Did not realize I would fall short in the length so I need to get another 50 feet to finish the project. And let me tell you what, for an old city broad, this fence would rival any cowboy's out on the range. The poles are straight and level, the fence is straight and level with no sag up top. Of course, my fingers all have bruises and my back is sunburned again but hey, the fence is up. Well the first 1/3 anyway. Wait til you see the pictures. You'll all be so proud of me.

I believe I will be having my birthday bash this Friday. I have no prizes and will accept no presents but we will have food, fun, and twinkle lights in the trees. (I've always wanted a party with twinkle lights in the trees.) So come on down, it's an open invitation. Swimsuits are required until 9pm. (That's when Monster Baby goes to bed.)

Okay, so here we go with the lies and the truths. For those of you who missed it, Suzy Fields, (the writer, not the cookie maker) bestowed on me the Creative Writer award and with that, the need to make up 6 lies and one truth. I decided, because I can't lie, and I don't lie, I would make up 6 truths and one lie because 1 is easier than 6.

1) In my catering career I once did parties for: an attorney for the Clinton administration, an oil Tycoon from Texas, the president of Vassar College, the brother of the famous Hilton clan, Jasper White, and Todd English. (Jasper White and Todd English are famous food guys. Or they used to be.)

This is true. I was quite the caterer in the day. Clinton's attorney had a clambake for 40 people. That was a logistics nightmare. Jasper White and Todd English, if you know who they are, arent' all that. Believe me. I used to work for the President of Vassar College and his wife, someday I will tell you about the love they shared for 63 years. It's a tear jerker.

2) I have moved 38 times in my adult lifetime. By myself, no moving men involved.

This is true. When I first started out in the restaurant business, I lived at the beach, problem was, at the time the beach house had no heat, so I had to move back to the city, every October and April move back to the beach. I finally found a summer cottage I could rent, which was nice, but I still had to move out or in every six months. That lasted for a good long time. In the last 6 years I've moved 8 times. For someone who only wanted to stay in one place, I haven't. Once this fence is up I'm not going anywhere for at least 5 years. I swear.

3) I was once caught in the middle of a real live standoff between a crazy lady with a sawed off shotgun and the local sheriff's department. I was meeting a friend for BREAKFAST at the local cantina walking through the parking lot minding my own business when a hand reached out from between parked cars and smashed me down to the pavement. Before I could get the verbal abuse out of my mouth he jammed his knee on my chest and fired a shot. They fired back. I peed my pants. When all was said and done, they had arrested a drunk woman who was having a fight with her boyfriend and she decided that if he wasn't going to buy her another beer, she was going to kill him. Needless to say, I missed breakfast.

Yes, this is also true. One of the scariest days in my life. It was 10:30 in the morning, and you must believe, the town I was living in in Nevada was as lawless as they come. Think old west and the OK Corral. Yeah, like that. Everybody had guns in the backs of their trucks. People are larger than life out there.

4) I am a descendant from the Native Americans (Wampanoag) who met the Pilgrims at Plymouth. I am also a descendant of the Pilgrims who met the Wampanoag at Plymouth.

This is true. My Uncle Jake, traced our people all the way to the Massasoit, the chief of the tribe. My cousin David, traced our line back to England. I so want to do that show, "So Who Do You Think You Are" on Friday nights (Or whatever it's called.)

5) I once had to set my fractured ribs back in place, by myself, just me and my friend Jack Daniels. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bind your ribs with one hand? With boobs in the way?

To all who thought this was the lie, it's not, it's true. I had 3 separate accidents to my left side in the span of 2 days. By themselves, you laugh them off, put them together and you get a whole lot of hurt. Somehow in all the mess, I inadvertantly dislodged the scar tissue surrounding the ribs I had broken when I was 17. I thought I was going to die. Without insurance, and the looming medical bills, I decided to buck up and fix it myself. I'm good that way. Anyway, I laid in bed, drank a half bottle of Jack and then reached behind me with my good hand and began pressing things back together. I heard a thunk, then another, then another and I could breathe again. About the binding, yeah, not so much. Between the boobs and the Jack, I couldn't really do it. (Sorry Terry) so I slept sitting up for about 3 weeks. Is this a half-truth?

6) I once took care of a woman who had been in the Blitz during WWI in England. Whenever it would thunder and lightening, she ran around the house screaming, "There's a Duchess among us, stand tall, there's a Duchess among us."

This is the lie. When I worked for the President of Vassar, his wife told me the story of when they lived in England in an old castle during the war. There were several people living there (because most had gotten bombed out of their homes) one being a Duchess. There was also a poor woman who had lost her entire family and home and was quite mad. SHE was the one who would run around the castle when the thunder started, screaming, "There's a duchess among us, stand tall, there's a duchess among us." As an aside, I was told, this poor woman, also never wore clothes, usually an old housecoat and Welly's. She also had a pet duck and carried it everywhere. Poor thing.

7) My grandmother was always the biggest Red Sox fan. She left me her love of the game when she died and I took it to heart. Every summer it was one of anguish and heartbreak, but still I perservered. I never gave up hope. The year they won the pennant I was pregnant with Monster Baby. I always said, that she was the reason, "The Curse of the Bambino" was broken.

I don't know if this is true or not, but it happened and I believe it. So it must be true.

So there we have it, my Creative Truths. I hope you enjoyed them. And for all you who think I've lived an interesting life, well, thanks, sometimes I think yes, and other days, compared to other's I've met, yeah, not so much.

Have a lovely Monday, I'll see you tomorrow. Promise.


Christine Danek said...

Happy Birthday and what a interesting life you lead.:)

KarenG said...

Glad to see you back!!

Jen said...

Holy crap I was right!!! Eek!! It sounded so painful, just reading it made me hold my ribs for a minute, LOL (half truth or not it counts, lol)

Matthew Rush said...

These are so fun, thanks for sharing Anne.

Crystal Cook said...

My goodness Anne! I can't believe that all those were true! I mean, look at all that material you have to work with, no wonder you're a great writer :)

you have lived a full and exciting life. And a dangerous one :)

Bish Denham said...

Wow! Some awesome stories. (I think I would have at least questioned #7 because the Blitz happened during WWII...)

Joanne Brothwell said...

Oh my Gosh! That is an amazing history. I feel like I know you a lot better now.

Happy belated birthday.

Terry Towery said...

Great stuff, Anne! I honestly had the broken ribs one down as the lie, which goes to show what I know. ;)

Glad you're back and blogging up a storm.

Summer said...

Wow, Nevada sounds...exciting. :-)
I haven't moved 38 times, but I know I've moved a lot. I made husband swear we're staying here for at least 2 years this time.

Glad to see you back, and I'm looking forward to these pictures!

Piedmont Writer said...

Christine -- Thanks, it's not the greatest life, but it is mine.

Karen -- Thanks. Me too.

Jen -- It was very painful.

Matthew -- You're welcome.

Crystal -- Yes, sometimes dangerous. The funny thing is I don't take from my real life for stories. I don't think it's interesting enough.

Bish -- They were their late 70's when I took care of them, so they were in their early 20's when they were in England. He was teaching at Oxford if I remember correctly.

Joanne -- Thanks.

Terry -- Hey, it was a good guess. Thanks, me too.

Summer -- Nevada - exciting? Where I lived it was more scary than anything. I have more stories than that one. Someday I'll share.

Christi Goddard said...

It's good to see you back. I've missed you!

Patti said...

Awesome truths and lies. I can't believe you've moved so much and I thought I was bad having moved 11 times in the first 8 years of my marriage.

Piedmont Writer said...

Christi -- it's good to be back. Missed you too. :)

Patti -- When I was a kid I always thought my parents would always live in the same house forever. I would always have a place to come back too. That didn't work out so much.

Bossy Betty said...


Have fun with your new camera and happy birthday week!!

Anonymous said...

I remember the Wampanoag name from play my daughter did in elementary school for Thanksgiving. We rehearsed it many times. She was a Wampanoag squaw.

Stephen Tremp

Ann Best said...

And I was one of the ones who thought the rib story was a lie. Wow! That is truly amazing.

I can think Old West since I grew up in Utah and have been through Nevada many times. Though I'm now settled permanently in the lush green of Virginia, the desert is in me - those vast open stretches, the rock formations, the great mountain ranges. Incredibly amazing variety. Builders of fences, those early westerners. I look forward to seeing your fence pictures. (Will look up poet Robert Frost on fences; can't think of the lines off the top of my head...)

It really does sound like you've lived a very interesting life - stories to tell. (I have a special fondness for native American.)

Piedmont Writer said...

Betty -- Thank you. Don't forget the party's on Friday.

Stephen -- Yes, the play's the thing.

Ann -- I loved the 'largeness' of the high desert but I was a beach baby and couldn't get over the fact there was no water. Probably why I only lasted 3 years.

Shelley Sly said...

Oh wow, you are one tough cookie! I admire you for going through so much. Thanks for this opportunity to get to know you better, and I'm glad you're starting to feel more like yourself again. Here's to a hopefully good week!

Susan Fields said...

First of all, happy birthday!

What an exciting life you've led! I can't even believe you put your own fractured rib back in place - you're a brave, brave woman!

Jayne said...

Ouch for the ribs! And the scary gun shoot. Lots of fodder there for stories though. Looking forward to pictures of your fence (I honestly am, actually!)

And the reason I guessed the lie was for teaming 'Blitz' with WW1. If you'd have said Zeppelins, then I may have been swayed. :)

Talli Roland said...

Happy Monday! Happy Birthday! Happy almost being back to yourself!

I can't believe you've moved 38 times. I thought I was bad. And I'm so upset it wasn't true about you working with the Blitz people! It'd make a great novel, though.

Falen said...

ugh, i can't even imagine moving by myself.
And i am TOTES looking forward to fence pics

Cynthia Reese said...

Very cool!

Tahereh said...

holy cow anne that's so awesome!! is it possible for you to be EVEN COOLER than you already are?!?!

loved this. thanks a million for sharing more about you!!

Angie Paxton said...

Congrats on your fence. As a farm girl I've put up a fence or two in my day and that is hard work! Happy Birthday week and I hope the twinkle lights are all you dreamed they'd be.

Piedmont Writer said...

Shelley -- Thanks,the days are getting lighter, and I'm feeling much better thank you.

Susan -- not so brave, just in pain. You do what you have to do when you don't have insurance.

Jayne & Talli -- sorry about the mix-up in the Wars. It was WW II, not one. I'm sorry to say it was a typo.

Sarah -- I say it every time I move, "I'm never moving again." And I always do.

Cynthia -- Thanks.

Tahereh -- Thanks. I don't know about how 'cool' I am, but some people used to think I was 'groovy'.

Angie -- Hey, so you know all about fences? I could have sure used some help.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy your new camera! I look forward to seeing your pictures. You can show us the fence that 'would rival any cowboy's out on the range.' What a great line.

Dominique said...

My, you've certainly lived a very colorful life. I'm always impressed and intrigued by your stories.

Paul C said...

Moving 38 times?!! You know how to keep the essentials.

Wendy aka Quillfeather. said...

What an extraordinary life you've led. Get writing your memoirs.

I got the answer right :)

Lola Sharp said...

I'm glad you're back and feeling a bit better.
You are a total rockstar and my personal hero for putting up a fence by yourself. No way would I do it. But I'm indeed proud as hell of you.

I can't wait to see pictures!

I knew that Nevada story had to be true. It was too insane to be a lie. You have plenty of life experiences to put into your writing.

Happy Monday, love!

Piedmont Writer said...

Lynn -- I can't wait to start posting pictures. I can't wait to show you my fence.

Dominique -- I feel so remiss, I haven't visited you in forever and you've been here so many times. Thank you for your lovely words.

Paul -- No, unfortunately, everything was in storage and I moved it all down here for the last time. But at least all my stuff is together in one place for the first time in 28 years.

Wendy -- No memoirs, it's not really that interesting. And yes, you did get the answer right.

Piedmont Writer said...

Lola -- My Pet, I am not a rockstar but I play one on TV. LOL. Nevada is definately an insane place. :))

sarahjayne smythe said...

You have the best stories. And you tell them so well. You should really write a book of them. :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Sarah Jayne -- *big smile* Thanks, but no. I don't think anyone would want to read my stories, there are no happy endings.

Shannon said...

I can't wait to see your pictures. Great stories!

Lady Glamis said...

Yay for a new camera! I can help you with it if you need. I've helped people with their cameras over chat before. :)

That was interesting reading all those truths and lies! You could write some seriously wicked stories based on those. :)

Elliot Grace said...'ve moved 38 times!? Geez, I'm thinkin I'd rather be caught in the middle of a standoff than...oh wait...:) Great post, Anne!

Piedmont Writer said...

Shannon -- Thanks Shannon.

Michelle -- I may take you up on that.

Elliot -- Thanks Elliot!

DL Hammons said...

WOW! What an amazing life you've led. You should be writing a memoire instead of fiction!

Can't wait for the pics!!

Piedmont Writer said...

DL -- No memoirs. I'm really not that interesting.

Palindrome said...

Happy birthday!! I'm glad that you're back! Up and at 'em!!

notesfromnadir said...

I think writers have to lead lives that are a little off the beaten path so they can entertain people!

I'm amazed at your courage to fix your own ribs & to move so many times & to work in the catering field. I've noticed anything to do w/ food somehow attracts lots & lots of stress!

Your standoff story is surreal. Just walking along the street & having something like that happen is what's seen on TV or in the movies! But I appreciate knowing that you didn't have your breakfast meeting that day. It's appreciated that you knew we'd ask about it!

Glad I discovered your blog & will certainly be reading more.