The Lie Revealed

Good Monday Morning gentle readers. I hope you had a pleasant weekend. I cruised around the blogosphere reading Last Line Blogfest entries and they were all whizz-bang that's for sure. I should have entered but I gave out awards instead. For those of you who haven't picked up yours, please do so. Both Friday and Saturday's posts so scroll down. See if you're there.

I'm feeling almost back to my old self. They say the first week is the hardest and they are so right. But I'm coming back now and watch out. I've got a lot of stuff to talk about.

A couple of shorts:

The Birthday Fairy did bestow upon me the digital camera that I've been coveting. So soon I will be sharing pictures (as soon as I figure out how to use it.)

I finished hanging the first act of the fence. Did not realize I would fall short in the length so I need to get another 50 feet to finish the project. And let me tell you what, for an old city broad, this fence would rival any cowboy's out on the range. The poles are straight and level, the fence is straight and level with no sag up top. Of course, my fingers all have bruises and my back is sunburned again but hey, the fence is up. Well the first 1/3 anyway. Wait til you see the pictures. You'll all be so proud of me.

I believe I will be having my birthday bash this Friday. I have no prizes and will accept no presents but we will have food, fun, and twinkle lights in the trees. (I've always wanted a party with twinkle lights in the trees.) So come on down, it's an open invitation. Swimsuits are required until 9pm. (That's when Monster Baby goes to bed.)

Okay, so here we go with the lies and the truths. For those of you who missed it, Suzy Fields, (the writer, not the cookie maker) bestowed on me the Creative Writer award and with that, the need to make up 6 lies and one truth. I decided, because I can't lie, and I don't lie, I would make up 6 truths and one lie because 1 is easier than 6.

1) In my catering career I once did parties for: an attorney for the Clinton administration, an oil Tycoon from Texas, the president of Vassar College, the brother of the famous Hilton clan, Jasper White, and Todd English. (Jasper White and Todd English are famous food guys. Or they used to be.)

This is true. I was quite the caterer in the day. Clinton's attorney had a clambake for 40 people. That was a logistics nightmare. Jasper White and Todd English, if you know who they are, arent' all that. Believe me. I used to work for the President of Vassar College and his wife, someday I will tell you about the love they shared for 63 years. It's a tear jerker.

2) I have moved 38 times in my adult lifetime. By myself, no moving men involved.

This is true. When I first started out in the restaurant business, I lived at the beach, problem was, at the time the beach house had no heat, so I had to move back to the city, every October and April move back to the beach. I finally found a summer cottage I could rent, which was nice, but I still had to move out or in every six months. That lasted for a good long time. In the last 6 years I've moved 8 times. For someone who only wanted to stay in one place, I haven't. Once this fence is up I'm not going anywhere for at least 5 years. I swear.

3) I was once caught in the middle of a real live standoff between a crazy lady with a sawed off shotgun and the local sheriff's department. I was meeting a friend for BREAKFAST at the local cantina walking through the parking lot minding my own business when a hand reached out from between parked cars and smashed me down to the pavement. Before I could get the verbal abuse out of my mouth he jammed his knee on my chest and fired a shot. They fired back. I peed my pants. When all was said and done, they had arrested a drunk woman who was having a fight with her boyfriend and she decided that if he wasn't going to buy her another beer, she was going to kill him. Needless to say, I missed breakfast.

Yes, this is also true. One of the scariest days in my life. It was 10:30 in the morning, and you must believe, the town I was living in in Nevada was as lawless as they come. Think old west and the OK Corral. Yeah, like that. Everybody had guns in the backs of their trucks. People are larger than life out there.

4) I am a descendant from the Native Americans (Wampanoag) who met the Pilgrims at Plymouth. I am also a descendant of the Pilgrims who met the Wampanoag at Plymouth.

This is true. My Uncle Jake, traced our people all the way to the Massasoit, the chief of the tribe. My cousin David, traced our line back to England. I so want to do that show, "So Who Do You Think You Are" on Friday nights (Or whatever it's called.)

5) I once had to set my fractured ribs back in place, by myself, just me and my friend Jack Daniels. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bind your ribs with one hand? With boobs in the way?

To all who thought this was the lie, it's not, it's true. I had 3 separate accidents to my left side in the span of 2 days. By themselves, you laugh them off, put them together and you get a whole lot of hurt. Somehow in all the mess, I inadvertantly dislodged the scar tissue surrounding the ribs I had broken when I was 17. I thought I was going to die. Without insurance, and the looming medical bills, I decided to buck up and fix it myself. I'm good that way. Anyway, I laid in bed, drank a half bottle of Jack and then reached behind me with my good hand and began pressing things back together. I heard a thunk, then another, then another and I could breathe again. About the binding, yeah, not so much. Between the boobs and the Jack, I couldn't really do it. (Sorry Terry) so I slept sitting up for about 3 weeks. Is this a half-truth?

6) I once took care of a woman who had been in the Blitz during WWI in England. Whenever it would thunder and lightening, she ran around the house screaming, "There's a Duchess among us, stand tall, there's a Duchess among us."

This is the lie. When I worked for the President of Vassar, his wife told me the story of when they lived in England in an old castle during the war. There were several people living there (because most had gotten bombed out of their homes) one being a Duchess. There was also a poor woman who had lost her entire family and home and was quite mad. SHE was the one who would run around the castle when the thunder started, screaming, "There's a duchess among us, stand tall, there's a duchess among us." As an aside, I was told, this poor woman, also never wore clothes, usually an old housecoat and Welly's. She also had a pet duck and carried it everywhere. Poor thing.

7) My grandmother was always the biggest Red Sox fan. She left me her love of the game when she died and I took it to heart. Every summer it was one of anguish and heartbreak, but still I perservered. I never gave up hope. The year they won the pennant I was pregnant with Monster Baby. I always said, that she was the reason, "The Curse of the Bambino" was broken.

I don't know if this is true or not, but it happened and I believe it. So it must be true.


So there we have it, my Creative Truths. I hope you enjoyed them. And for all you who think I've lived an interesting life, well, thanks, sometimes I think yes, and other days, compared to other's I've met, yeah, not so much.

Have a lovely Monday, I'll see you tomorrow. Promise.