Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Merry Food

Well, gentle readers, it is time for me to pry my fingers off the keyboard and get some serious baking time in the kitchen. As you know, my mother is stuck in RI until C-Eve night, and so the responsibility of C-dinner belongs to me. Thank the good Lord he did something right and made me a chef at one point in my life, I can cook this dinner with two hands tied behind my back and a blindfold on. I don't like to brag, but I think I'm a pretty damn good cook. You know how Michael Jordan can hit a free throw from half court and he makes it look easy, yeah, well, that's me with a turkey in the oven and a baster. I am that good.

But today is baking day, I always need one day of the oven to just bake. It's a delicate art. Truly. You have to LOVE to bake otherwise everything falls and nothing tastes right. You have to have patience. You have to not be afraid to lick your fingers. I LOVE to bake, I don't do it a whole lot because I'd weigh about 500pounds. The Small One is always asking to bake cookies with me but I have to always say no. She likes to make them, not eat them. There are starving people all over the world, and I WILL NOT waste food, (that's a Catholic sin where I'm from -- mortal no less, not venial) so I end up eating them. All.

And don't get me wrong, I will eat my way through my fair share of the food this Christmas. Come the 26th however, I go back to my normal eating regimen. Here in NC, there's only the one day to eat. If I were in RI I'd be eating non-stop for the whole week. I have a huge family, and they all cook, and become highly offended if you don't eat. (Most of them are Italian, the others think they are.) And believe me when my cousin Dee cooks, you WANT TO eat. SHE should have been the chef, not me.

So, on the menu for today is sweet potatoe pie with macadamia nut praline, cherry cheesecake tarts, and grapenut pudding. Can I get a scale? No matter what, I know I'll gain 10 pounds easy just from having one serving of each dessert. But hey, who cares, I only eat like this once a year and come Jan. 1 I've convinced myself it's time to get healthy, really healthy, like Biggest Loser healthy. so...

I wish you all a glorious, healthy, happy, safe, fantastic, fun & laugh filled holiday season. Be careful of the snow, liquor, and Aunt Miriam with her dreaded orange lipstick. I hope Santa is generous and he brings you all the love you can stand. And then some. And don't eat too much, if you do, take a nap. Preferably with someone you love.


Lady Glamis said...

I think I gained weight just reading this post! Really, I have gained about 10 pounds this year. It just sucks. I'm not the best baker in the world. I could get some tips. :)

Piedmont Writer said...

I've gained more than 10 and need to something about it, and fast. I want to wear my old Levi's by the spring. And any time you want tips for food, let me know. I'm willing to share my secrets.