Well, so far, my word count for Nano is 6497 or somewhere thereabouts. I've been reading blogs because the munchkin is sick. I can't write with Ariel, Dinosaurs, Elmo, Woody and Buzz and Jesse in the background. (We don't have regular TV so the munchkin watches movies -- which isn't really all that bad because I've memorized all of them so far, however we bought a few new ones and now I have to familiarize myself with them, memorize the songs and dialogue, before I can tune them out.)
I've been reading blogs,(when I find a new blog I generally read as much of it as I can, learning as much about the person as I can before I commit to putting it on my favorites bar) Editorial Anonymous to be precise, and as she is a Children's Editor I figure she could tell me what is hot right now in the YA department. WELL, what I found out is that the whole zombie, vampire, witchcraft, thing is pretty much OVER.
Hence my hesitation to finish my NaNo project. It deals with a 15 year old girl who finds she and her mother come from a long line of Celtic witches. It probably would be a pretty good story, but now I'm not really interested in finishing it. I'm afraid I was chasing the trend. I thought I could be like so many other debut authors who are now multi-millionaires with movie contracts and all kinds of deals.
Guess what. I'm not. I've always heard, write what you know. Unfortunately, I've hit a snag, and I don't know what I know anymore. I thought I could be a romance writer of historical proportions. 16 rejections. Now I can't even seem to finish a 65K YA. I really need to regroup and fast.
This whole not writing thing has depressed me. And there's nothing I can do about it until my daughter goes back to school next week. God I hate to say it, but I wish she was in school full-time. I miss writing. I miss my creativity. I miss my solitude. Please Please Please don't take this the wrong way...I LOVE MY DAUGHTER with everything in my whole heart soul. But she's 5 and she is so damn good at it. She also has a problem with talking...she doesn't stop from the moment she wakes up in the morning until she goes to bed at night...and now has developed the habit of talking in her sleep.
I am usually a silent person. I don't normally speak until spoken to. People think I'm a snob but I'm really not, I'm just quiet. I don't listen to music, I don't watch tv, I hate the thought of background noise. So writing is a silent accomplishment. I can't really do it if I can't gather my thoughts. (Like now, Ariel and Sebastian have just finished "Under the Sea" and for the rest of this post I'll be humming that damn song. UGH!)
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about the NaNo project. I should finish it, I mean, I did the outline, synopsis, and partial query for it. It's not as if it'll be that hard to write/finish it. I know what's going to happen. And I suppose, hey who knows, I might be able to throw it in front of a few agents. But I don't know. What's the point if I missed the mark. Maybe I should just go back to rework the romance novel.
Well, no matter what, I can't wait for Monday morning at 9:12 because I'll be all alone in the house in front of my keyboard. And it won't matter what I'm writing because I'll be happy JUST writing. Even if it's all crap.
3 comments:
What an honest post. I share many of your feelings here, more than you know. The whole tuning out the Pixar movies. Yeah, I do that. We don't have TV, just the basic stations. We watch a lot of movies. "UP" is on right now.
As far as taking an unwanted break from writing, I'm sorry. I need quiet too, but I'm slowly learning to write through anything.
If you don't love the book, don't write it. Read this post of mine about how I felt when this happened to me for my current WIP. No worries now; I love the book with all my heart. But last year I had no idea...
Things change. We change. If you're not madly in love with a story, why chase after it? Unless there's something there pulling and tugging you, even something you can't put your finger on.
Don't worry about NaNo. In a way it all makes me angry that so many writers beat themselves up over not finishing or not keeping up with everybody else. It's just unfair. We all write differently. Listen to your heart, what you really want to write, what's dying to be heard. More than likely it's something you're scared to death to share. That will be your best work.
And you know Michele, that's the real thing that's tearing me up inside. There is something I'm dying to write, I've been waiting to write for the last three years. I just don't think I'm a good enough writer to do it yet. I wanted to get something else written first, before I tackled this project. It's a heart wrenching, gut-stomping thing that's been eating at me for years. I did a sort of outline, chapter titles, and have the characters in place. I just don't know where to start, how to begin. It's crazy.
But I will try.
It's so hard to write something like that. But if not now, when? Good luck. *hugs*
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