This is the last thing I wrote before I went on hiatus. This is why I went crazy and decided I wanted to try something a little more literary than just a straight up romance. This is why I can't seem to get my head on straight and am just lazing around doing nothing these last 2 weeks (well, except for blogging which I swore I wasn't going to do.)
Disclaimer -- Rated R for mature -- strong language and adult themes.
***** Sorry, for those of you who hadn't read it yet, I took it down. Several reasons why and I do apologize. Perhaps you'll read it in its next form.
14 comments:
This is a great scene to work with. Love the chemistry between the cousins. The last line? Awesome!
Sounds like a great story! Excellent writing and dialogue. I'd definitely keep reading.
I like it! Like the themes running through. There are a lot of places this could go.
Thanks for the feedback. It'a a first draft although I think it came out pretty good.
Tara -- I wasn't sure about the last line. I guess it'll stay in then.
Susan -- When I get some more done, I'll post it.
Amy -- I think that's the problem, I know where I want it to go, I'm just not sure if it'll get there or not.
I don't think you should have stopped! This is really good. Your descriptions are strong and the dialogue is really natural and believable. Plus, I love reading about Italians because I'm Italian! (Well, part Italian, anyway.)
I hope you return to it soon. I'd hate to see such an impressive scene fall to the wayside. :o)
E. Elle -- This is part of a larger story that was supposed to be a straight up romance, it still might be but I may transform it into women's fiction. And I'm glad you like the Italians, I'm part Italian too. The only problem you can't see their hands when they talk.
I can see this being a great story about family, and life...woman's fiction for sure. There are so many places for this to explore.
Don't stop Anne!
Lola -- Thanks. I don't think I plan on stopping, I just have to regroup where I want it to go. Or where "they" want it to go. You know characters, they always want their own way.
This is great! I hung onto your every word. Favorite line: "Angie’s tears began anew and Genna watched her perfect Barbie doll cousin turn into a real flesh and blood woman."
Plus, I'm 50% Italian, so I can hear the voice loud and clear. Love this. Take your time and figure out what you want to do with it, if anything. But I'm with the others -- I'd love to see it turn into something bigger.
Shelley -- great minds think alike, that was my favorite line too. I'm glad I got the "Italian" down. I was kind of worried it wouldn't come across on paper (screen). It's going somewhere, I'm just not sure where yet.
I like this a lot. Great dialogue and description and the confrontation between the cousins sizzles. It's a strong scene and I think it makes great women's fic material.
Thank you Sarah Jayne. I wasn't sure if it was too strong. There's a lot of shit going on and we haven't even gotten to the dead Debbie yet.
You took it down!!!!!!! I had it all marked to read. :(
Can you send it to me???
OH! I missed this!! What happened?
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