Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Something - Something

I know it's been awhile since I've posted an excerpt so I'll give you a little background. Genna and Pete had their first date and Genna didn't think he liked her. Remember in my character sketches Angie said Genna was analyzing Pete's kisses and Genna said Pete gave her flowers. This scene is two days before the flowers. Genna and Angie have been cooking for the 4th of July party at Angie's house where Genna has a heart to heart with Angie about Pete and Tony.

Although the character sketches will remain up on the blog, this excerpt will be taken down after two days. Remember it's a first draft.

Rating -- PG 17 (Is there such a rating?)


Sorry this excerpt has been taken down by the author.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was tense! Did I miss the NC17 part?

Crimey said...

Oh Ann, that's a frightening scene! It really touches close to home. Nice writing as always.

Piedmont Writer said...

Alex -- Wow, tense? Well I guess it might be but I've read it so many times I fail to see it anymore. And yeah, I'm not sure why I rated it NC 17. Truthfully I don't even know what that means. I'll have to take it down.

Piedmont Writer said...

Crimey -- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. Oh gosh, should I take it down. First Alex said it was tense, now you say it's frightening. I didn't mean to make it this way.

Patti said...

Very good and left me in suspense. I really want to know what happened.

Falen (Sarah) said...

i think the PG-13 rating is technically "R"

Elliot Grace said...

"She let her tears fall into the soapy water."

Love the visual. A simple one line phrase. Subtle, but I've got a dollar bill that says every reader who comes across that passage will stop for a moment and consider the emotion before continuing on.

Well done, Anne:)

Julie Musil said...

Wow, what an awesome exerpt!

roxy said...

Great excerpt, Anne. I liked Uncle Sal a lot, and I enjoyed stepping into Genna's shoes. You pulled me into the story.

Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said...

Awesome... I want to read more... !!

Thanks for stopping by, and for your kind comment :-)


Donna Hole said...

Frightening Anne, because heart attacks are scary concepts. A real villian to be feared. And tense because of the natural tension in the reader's body as they read Genna's emotional temperature. There is a lot of tension in this scene: in Genna's emotional turmoil, between her and Sal, and between Genna and Pete, even though he is physically absent from the scene. His presence is felt.

Both feel like compliments to me. Vivid imagery that touches the heart with its reality.

The action and dialogue created an effective setting too. The sink full of dishes, the dropping pot, bucket and mop at the door, the walk-in, and going out front for the ticket, out back for the trash.

I'll add my dollar to Elliot's.


Crimey said...

Ann, no don't take it down! It was just really close to home for me. :)

I love your excerpts. This novel is going to turn out beautifully. I'd love to see it in completion.

Lola Sharp said...

Oh no! I hope Sal's gonna be okay.

And...are both men (P & T) going to come running to comfort Genna?

Well done, Anne. :)


Piedmont Writer said...

Patti -- I can't tell you. You'll have to read the book.

Sarah -- I thought there was more in it than there was. Don't know what I was thinking.

Elliot -- Oh thank you, that's such a nice thing to say. And if they give me a dollar for every book I sell, that would be sweet.

Julie -- Thank you.

Roxy -- Thanks, and thanks for stopping by.

Doris -- My pleasure.

Donna -- You're sweet with your feedback. E-mail's on the way.

Crimey -- Thank you. Hopefully by the end of next week it will be done. Hopefully.

Lola -- Dearest, I hate to say it but neither of the men comfort Genna and that's all I can tell you.

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Oh no! Uncle Sally! Which hospital did they take him to? I'll be right there...

(That, my friend, was my first reaction. Your characters are so real to me. Seriously, I'm worried about old Sal. Please make him get better. Please.)

((hugs)) Nicole

February Grace said...

*gasp!* that was unexpected!

Here I was ready to tell you the line about the fry-o-later was my favorite bit then you hit us with that ending! My heart is actually pounding.

Great stuff, Anne.


notesfromnadir said...

Great job! You really manage to build up the scene so well & then the ominous tone is there when we realize that Sal's collapsed.

Fine 1st draft! :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Nicole -- For your information, Sal went to Newport Hospital down by the Salve Regina School of Nursing. I can't tell you if he's fine or not, but I will say, he was in the hospital for two days.

Bru -- Thanks. I liked the fry-o-later too! Sorry to get your heart rate up.

Lisa -- Thank you Lisa. I remembered how well you did it with your mother and I wanted to achieve the same. Albeit yours was a true story and I'm still sad about that.