Well, my lovelies, this will be the last excerpt I post from REMEMBERING YOU. I know you probably haven't noticed but on my side-bar I have been posting my word count and as of 1:49 pm E.S.T. yesterday, I have 78, 021 words. 10k left to write.
Anyway, on to the post.
A little set-up -- It is now the night of the 4th of July. Genna and Pete have settled into their new romance and tonight is the night for you know what. They are now leaving Billy's Beach Bar with friends.
Rating -- R for strong language, adult content. Let me reiterate, very strong language. And it's not in Italian.
Remember, this will only be posted for two days. And also a first draft.
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Sorry this excerpt has been removed by the author.
11 comments:
Bravo P! The fight scene is excellent. Just enough detail and suspense. And the tension in the dialogue punches!
Lynn -- Thanks, I wasn't sure if the fight worked or not. I know some things need to be tweaked but...
Yay! Congrats for being so close to being done!
Go Pete! And I love the undercurrents here. For example, what's going on here: Robby grabbed her. “Stay out of this Genna. It doesn’t concern you.” Great tease line. I guess I'll have to read the whole finished thing to know ;)
Awesome fight scene. Loved this excerpt!
Sarah -- Almost, almost, am up to 80K just today.
Nicole -- Well, you know how men are, they don't generally fight over a woman, they just fight because they hate each other. Thanks Nicole.
Love it! Congrats on being so close to finished!
Tight writing. And I'm a mush for romance :)
Natascha -- Thanks. So close I can taste it.
Jude -- Thank you. I'm a mush too, that's why I write it. Thanks for stopping by.
I'm with the others, that I liked the fight scene.
Moderate the language. I felt your emotion along with the characters -- so I realize you were putting heart into it, and it wasn't rote writing, if you get me -- but too many F-bombs can be distracting.
If it doesn't work or ~feel~ right without the swearing, leave it in, but try to avoid too many fucky-fuck-fuck scenes, as they tend to over-brutalize the point.
Still, that said, I felt the raw emotion in the scene. It was downright visceral, and I sorta wish it had been more violent (so much underlying tension, is what I mean).
- Eric
Eric -- Yeah, I know (about the f-bombs) I had a similar scene in the beginning of the book with lots of raw stuff going on; had to drop those too. You're absolutely right, it does make for a distracting read.
I kind of wish it had been more brutal, as in literal, but I've never written a fight scene before. I guess I'll have to go watch that Mickey Rourke movie.
Ann,
You have a lot of raw emotion here. The fight is good, but you will improve it.
"Tony stood at the bottom of the stairs facing Pete, his handsome face contorting into a grotesque mask of sneering hatred."
The quoted sentence bothered me. It might read better if it was a mask of hatred or just a grotesque mask as that is getting into imagery. We know they don't like each other at all!
Watch a fight scene in a movie, Fight Club would be an example plus it's a meaty movie on several levels, & then take a fight scene & actually write it out as it plays. I did that once w/ a love scene that I was describing & you really learn a lot about film-making and writing!
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