Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Something - Something

I realize this Wednesday stuff should be titled, Work in Progess Wednesdays, or some such, but I like Something-Something because that's all it is, just a little bit of it and you never really know what it's going to be.

Okay so for those of you who don't know what's going on in the story -- Genna's aunt Fortuna has had an episode and called the cops on Genna. Pete DiCampo is a guy she went to school with (and didn't like by the way) who is now a cop and the one who came to the house. (I know you can't really get a sense of the whole story but it would take 10 pages to fill you in.)

And remember the scene between Genna and Angie when Angie tells Genna what Tony did to her...I changed it. Oh boy did I change it (because as you know I'm brilliant like that) and I think it's so much better now. Maybe we'll find out in a couple of weeks.

Disclaimer -- Rating PG- 13 And also remember this is a first draft.


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26 comments:

sarahjayne smythe said...

Yay!Pete! :) Have I mentioned I love Pete? I love Sal too, and I agree with him. Pete is the guy for Genna. Just sayin'. :)

Seriously, though, I like this scene a lot.

Ted Cross said...

All right! The Pearl Jam t-shirt makes its appearance again! I know you are probably doing edits later, but the one thing that kept throwing me was where there was dialogue that should be using a comma but you kept using a period. You do dialogue authentically.

Christine Danek said...

I like Pete. Great job--I want to read more. This doesn't read like a first draft. :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Sarah Jayne -- What are you doing here from vacation at 5:30 in the morning? Thanks for coming by so early. Really. I love Pete too. He's sooo cute. And really nice.

Ted -- Yeah, I have this thing, some days I hit the mark, some days I fail abysmally. I really should have cleaned it up for the blog but I'm not editing until the whole thing is done. So what you get is fresh out of my brain and off my keyboard. I also noticed a whole bunch of saids and cliche's too. try not to hate me.

Ted Cross said...

Who could hate you? Not possible.

Christi Goddard said...

You're great with dialogue, chickadee. I read your exerpts with a smile. I want everyone to be happy!

Susan Fields said...

Love it, Anne! I really like Sal, he sounds like a great guy. Your dialogue is right on!

JustineDell said...

This is great! I wished I would have been a follower when you had the others posted! I'm behind on the times! My bad :0)

~JD

Piedmont Writer said...

Christine -- Sorry I missed you the first go 'round. Thanks very much. I wish it were the final draft.

Ted -- I don't want to say it but a LOT of people hate me. Okay maybe not hate, but dislike me immensely. I don't care.

Christi -- I wish I could write a book that's strictly dialogue! I wouldn't worry half so much if it was good enough.

Susan -- Sal is great! I wish he were my uncle in real life.

Justine -- Someday, hopefully, you'll be able to read the BOOK. hah hah Maybe in about 10 years. But then you could say you knew me when.

Lola Sharp said...

Felt authentic and I'm on team Pete now. :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Lola -- I knew you'd come around to Pete. Eventually. Some day you'll know why I decided to make Tony the bad guy.

Summer said...

Yay Pete! I love that name...and I love Pearl Jam!!

And I'm so glad the Something-Somethings are back!

Falen said...

oooh i agree with Summer. I love the name Pete (and Peter)

Win!

Ann Best said...

Even though I don't know the whole story, yet, I was drawn into this. It moved so smoothly. Very good dialogue. Very good descriptive tags. Good job, as my daughter Jen would say!!

DL Hammons said...

Me likes! I love the way that Sal answers all the questions for her. :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Summer -- Thanks. I love Pete too. And Pearl Jam but it was Ted's idea.

Sarah -- Thanks! One for the Gipper!

Ann -- There'll be more of them coming. Did you read it to Jen?

DL -- Well, you know how uncles are.

Portia said...

First, I just have to say I really dig it that you call this Something-Something. Always makes me smile. Nessun Dorma really set the mood for me :-)

The Words Crafter said...

Okay, I'm pretty new, but this sounds great! I could almost smell the muffins baking....and Pete sounds cute!

Piedmont Writer said...

Portia -- I have to be different. I could listen to that song on replay all day.

Becky -- Pete is cute. Someday, when I find the right pictures, I'm going to do a character post.

notesfromnadir said...

At first I thought this was a Regency time period and was a bit confused w/ the mention of a diner! :)

You sure have a way w/ dialogue as it flows so well & sounds real. I also like the warmth to this piece.

Looking forward to reading more.

Piedmont Writer said...

Lisa -- I know I'm all over the place these days. If nothing breaks from the Regency, this is next up on the query machine. Well, once I finish it.

Ed Pilolla said...

you have an ear for authentic dialogue, yes.

Donna Hole said...

what a great exchange. So casual. I'm glad I didn't read this in the morning; I'd have to get a blueberry muffin - and that would make me late for work. Again.

I really hope I don't wake up with a muffin craving tomorrow morning.

........dhole

Piedmont Writer said...

Ed -- Thanks.

Donna -- I'll have to ask you if you dreamt about muffins.

Talli Roland said...

Really enjoyed this, Anne. I like Pete!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

I can see Pete in my mind's eye, and I can feel the sparks flying for him. I hope Genna picks up on the vibes he's putting off!

Your first drafts are so tight. Bravo! I love how this excerpt ends, but there's a shift in POV. Maybe, to rectify in later drafts, Genna can cringe when she fears Uncle Sal made his last comment loud enough that Pete heard, instead of Pete hearing it as he walks down the steps. Maybe she and Pete lock eyes through the screen, or something like that. You'll come up with something more brilliant!

I'm glad I got a chance to pop over here before you took down this excerpt. I really enjoyed it. You've got a winner, here! Write on!!

((hugs)) Nicole