Good Morning My Darlings. Turning *ahem* older has gotten me thinking about the past. With men. As a romance writer I write about the Happily Ever After. In my real life, hasn't really happened - yet.
I have a confession to make. Don't laugh, well, okay, you can giggle if you want. I probably would too if I weren't so embarrassed.
I view the singles sites. You know, those from the mashed title of this post. Every so often I click on and just take a look to see who's out there searching for love online. Let me tell you -- there isn't much to look at.
I mean, sure, the last time I did I found 339 guys in my required age range 45-55, but there were only 2 who struck me as interesting enough for me to get to know any better. (Remember too, I'm a big believer at falling in love at first sight.) When I really plugged in and filled out all the extra requirements I got nothing. A big fat donut hole.
What does that mean I wonder? That I'm too picky, or that men really aren't interested in an *ahem* older woman with a 6 year old child. Possibly. I suppose if I was single, no kids, and met a guy with a 6 year old, that would be kind of strange. Talk about baggage. (Yeah, I know, refer me back to my other post)
I used to meet men all the time. I worked in restaurants for years, then I worked construction, then I worked in the auto industry. There were always men around. Tall men, short men, men who climbed on rocks, fat men, skinny men, even men with mis-matched socks.
But since I've moved down here, I haven't been able to meet one. Well, okay, the one man I actually did meet, is my neighbor. Chad. Nice enough guy I suppose. He's of the southern variety. Looks like one of the guys from ZZ Topp. Wears flannel, has a 4-wheeler, has a gun rack on the rear widnow of his 4x4 pick-up truck. He came over to the house the morning we moved in and talked to my father. Found out I was single.
Later that day, after my father left, he came over, drunk as a skunk and proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go for a ride with him on his 4-wheeler -- at sunset, up in the back woods. Uh, no. And he hasn't talked to me since. He did ask my daughter to his house for his son's birthday last summer (I didn't go) and he did cut my grass once when it got to be as tall as Kansas wheat. Thank you very much. (I bought him steaks for repayment. Had the Monster Child deliver them.) He knows we aren't compatible. I guess he was looking for something too.
I know what I'm looking for, but truly, I don't think he exists. My mother and I were chatting one day about my lack of a love life. "It's too bad you and Bonezy (yeah, that was his nickname) didn't work out," she said. And I thought about it. Yeah, it was too bad. But that was a long time ago. And he had a LOT of baggage. But you know what, he loved me. And I really loved him.
Do I regret not sticking with him through the long haul? No. I was 22, he was 30. We were together 5 years or so. I've changed over the years, and so has he. Would I like to meet him again? Yeah, sure. I think it would be a kick. Would I like to get back together with him. Nah. He's been with Franny for a decade now. I'm not a home-wrecker. And I never get back together with ex-boyfriends. EVER.
So just for fun, I cruise the singles sites. I don't talk to anyone, I don't IM or wink or whatever. I just look. Because I can. Although I would really like to see that guy from the DMV again. And guess what, my mother has to renew her license this week. Yay!
How much fun would it be to say ten years from now -- I met my husband at the DMV. Wishful thinking. But hey, I'm a romance writer. It's what I do.
Tell me -- How did you meet your significant other?
PS -- Sarah and Yvonne -- I posted my recipe for Spinach Pies and Calzones in my "Pages" section of the blog. Let me know if you make them and how they came out.
38 comments:
I met him in the middle of nowhere because he lived literally next door from my first apartment for my first job out of college. And his mom kept asking me over for dinner, hoping to set up one of her sons. I guess it worked. :)
Laura -- Wow. That's so cool. Your mother-in-law set you up. Smart woman.
All I can say is pray, but be SPECIFIC! After praying for decades, I finally found the man of my dreams...however...he's 23 years younger & poor. See? I only asked for a man who would find my heart, cherish me, love me unconditionally, be sweet, kind and be a fantastic lover. I never thought to include age or the $$$.
Em -- Hey, I know all about specific! I prayed too, and got my Monster Child's father. Oops. When I do decide to go back to the man hunt, I will absolutely pray specifically. And hey, go YOU! There's something to be said for younger men. Even if they are poor.
I met my hubby on a blind date. His mom and my aunt were neighbors and schemed to get us together. We'll be married 16 years this year.
My mom is 78 and met a nice boyfriend on "plenty of fish" online. She's not
in love but she does like his company and go out a lot.
Met my wife at work. Original, I know!
You should visit Robyn's Life by Chocolate site. Once a week she posts a "Why I believe in celibacy" with lines from those dating sites. Funny stuff!
Jennifer -- Sounds like you had a couple of matchmakers working for you. And wow, still reeling 'em in at 78. Go MOM! Yeah!
Alex -- Nothing wrong with meeting at work, I met quite a few of my 'loves' there. I will definitely check out Robyn's blog. Sounds hilarious already.
When I was 28, a friend of mine dragged me to a very lame bank party. I almost didn't go because he was late. Man, I'm glad I did. I saw my future husband from across the room while I was dancing with someone's teenage daughter (we were both bored). I'm not saying it was love at first sight. It wasn't. But since him and his friends were the only interesting looking guys there (and cute too), I walked over to talk to them. Okay, I have no idea (nor do I care) where the other guy went, but my future husband and I hit it off. And the rest is history. ;)
If I tell you, I'll have to shoot you :D
Maybe I'll email you? lol...I do laugh every time I think of the quirks of fate that put me together with my husband.
If your writing voice is anything to go by, you're one heck of a woman, and most men would feel lucky to have you :)
I haven't met my significant other yet. And I'm sort of falling into that trap of getting too comfortable with having things MY way. I haven't started with the sites yet, but I've thought about them.
I guess the hold up is that I've always thought that love DID hit you when you least expect (it did with the last one at least), and it's kind of hard to pretend that you aren't LOOKING for love when you meet someone for a date from a dating sight.
Love is too complicated! No wonder we write so many stories about it.
Stina -- What a great story. Have you ever thought about where you be now if you hadn't gone to the party? Oh, I'm getting a storyline....
Damyanti -- Oh please, email me. I'd love to hear the story. It sounds intriguing. And thanks for the compliment. I think I'm too independant for my own good when it comes to men. I have my own power tools you know.
Tracy -- Love does HIT you. It punches you in the face when you least expect it. Sometimes at first sight, others when you're having a turkey sandwich at a diner. Don't worry, he's out there.
I met mine at a convergence of mutual friends. In an out door hot tub in the middle of New England December. Love is too complicated - and Romance is fleeting. That is why we need people to write romance novels!I learned long ago to take the good and the bad, make the best of it, enjoy it, and write down my revisions.
Ariel -- Yeah, hot tub, December, New England. Sounds delish. Love is way too complicated. And you have to work at romance. Wonder why we do it to ourselves?
OMG i'm totally checking out that recipe!!
And i'm single, and have been pretty much forever. For me it's different. I'm really happy living with my twin sister, so for me to seriously be with a guy, i have to want to be with him more than i want to be with her. So far, it just hasn't happened. And i'm OK with that. (most days, anyway ;) )
We met in medical school. I stared at the back of his head in lecture for two years before making a move.
You keep cruising those singles sites. It's a good reality check. You are too good to be going out with just anybody, and it's good to know you're not really missing out on anything out there. Especially the ZZ-top types.
I met mine at a rodeo. Never thought I'd fall for a cowboy but I sure did.
I met my present wife (#5) while we were both in the outer office of the Witness Protection Program, awaiting our new destinations and identities. We struck up a conversation and... voila! It turns out Mary was there for something to do with large numbers of sheep and Black & Decker power tools (she never did tell me the whole story...). Our first date was tres romantic. I shaved her back and the tops of her arms, with candles all around, and dining on Hostess Ho-Ho's. That's when I fell in love! And, what's cool is we've continued our ritual. Every Friday, we fill the tub, I strew dandelions over the water, she climbs in, I grab the Bic and start shaving. I have to be careful. She was in a horrible, disfiguring accident years ago and has a steel plate in her head, a glass eye, and a wooden leg. Once we were on vacation and the motel we were in was next to a junkyard and the big magnet there kept lifting her out of the tub. But, we managed... Love... it's grand...
Found out later, when she was born her hand was shaped perfectly to hold a credit card. Which served her well, as when she was little she got separated from her parents at a mall and security guards raised her...
Hope you find your Prince Charming like I found mine (Princess Charming...), Anne.
"Tall men, short men, men who climbed on rocks, fat men, skinny men, even men with mis-matched socks." <-- I love that! You are a romantic with a good sense of humor. Your funny, charming prince is out there for you somewhere. :)
As for how I met TG -- well, how does one meet a theater god? In the theater, of course. He was tech director, and I auditioned for the role of a showgirl. Got the part, and the rest is history. :)
So you didn't want to do four-wheeling with him when he was drunk? Come on--where's your sense of romance?
You had me giggling when I read your description of your neighbor w/ a run rack in the back of his truck & looking like a ZZ Topper! WOW! :)
Keep cruising those single ads 'cause you may just happen across him. If not, you'll get a lotta chuckles & even more to write about!
Haha, drunken four-wheeling. Nice. Cute Seussish rhyme too. Love would be easier if we could just turn our brains off...permanently...wouldn't it? I've got a firm theory though, that being stuck with the wrong person is a thousand times more lonely than being alone, so you're doing pretty good in the romance department, especially with the writing---relationships are so much prettier in story form.
I just posted the final answers to that 80s TV trivia, and you might want to check it out. ;)
I met my husband by walking into our eighth grade classroom. Yup, I met him at the age of twelve, and for the next year, he delighted in playing gross, disgusting tricks on me. Ended up marrying him anyway!
Maybe you should look further into those dating sites, for research purposes, if nothing else. I'll bet you could find a TON of hilarious fodder for a story there.
Heads up. I'm gonna tag you on my blog today, so get ready!
Sarah -- I wish I had a sister. I think it would take the sting out of being single. And maybe give me a good babysitter.
Lydia -- At the back of his head, really? And you made the first move? I want to hear that story.
Jaydee -- I fell for a cowboy once. Don't think I'll ever do it again, but you never know.
Les -- You had me. You really did. Witness Protection Program... and you lucked out when you met Mary. As I'm sure you know. She cries at weddings. Always a plus.
Linda -- I knew someone would appreciate my homage to Oscar Meyer. When I was in the theatre all the guys were gay. So, no dice there.
Betty -- You make me laugh so hard I pee my pants. No, Chad is definitely out of my league. And I am so far out of his, I think I might be from another planet entirely.
Lisa -- You should come for a visit. I'll introduce you. The only thing that would make him more perfect is if he chewed tobacco. He might. I just haven't been that close to see.
Nicki -- I know I'm better off alone, especially living here. Men don't get me. They're southern and I'm not. It's way different.
Susan -- Wow, eighth grade. I did do a story once about a guy I knew in 8th grade. I wonder whatever happened to him?
I would not want to look for love right now at this age and stage. I feel for you--men are scarce in your area--NC? Well, same as in AL. If something happened to DH, I'd move to DC again -- lots of men there. Of course, I'm not a spring chicken anymore, so chances are I wouldn't find a new rooster.
Hugs!
Christine -- You're right. Men are scarce here. Suitable ones anyway. DC you say. I'm on it like stink on a bug.
I met mine online! Oh yes, indeedy.I moved to London knowing no-one, and was looking for peopel to hang out with (and kiss. I won't lie). We arranged to meet my first week in London, and the rest of history! :)
I met my hubby on a blind date. :)
I met my husband in high school. SO ORIGINAL. But 18 years later, here we are. We haven't killed each other and we're best friends.
I loved this post. So refreshingly honest! I don't think there's anything wrong with being specific about what you want (and don't want). Why settle?
Talli -- Wowee! I figured one of my friends met their S.O. that way. How cool it was you.
Glam -- A blind date. I don't think I've ever had a blind date that didn't end badly. Good for you. Although if I had met Adam on a blind date I would've married him too.
Jennifer -- Thanks. No, that's the thing. If you settle, you end up divorced at some point, so why bother. Thanks for stopping by.
I met my boyfriend in the park. He high fived me when I was running.
I have several friends who have great luck with eharmony and match. Why not very carefully give it a shot?! Better than bar and the men are looking for a relationship not s hook-up--I hear.
At the end of my first week at Uni I went to the Freshers' Ball and danced the last dance with the guy I married. We are still together. Ah! Bless! ;)
Another original-I met Jason at work. We became friends, then great friends, then he just made up his mind that we were going to be married. He still hasn't asked me, ten years later.
Nothing wrong with cruising the sites. Just stay away from psychos!
Another trip to the DMV? Well.....possibilities!
One day you will find him when you least expect it. It usually happens when you stop looking. Just sayin'.
My guy--I met him and college and been with him since. I knew when I met him that he was the one. Don't ask me how. I don't know.
I love spinach pie! I'll give it a whirl and let you know. Thanks!
Oops, so excited about spinach pie, I forgot my husband! :). We met at Barnes & Noble. He almost knocked me over and I was so distracted by his eyes, I misspelled my name. I'm saying love at first sight. And thank god, because I wouldn't be who I am without him!
We met at a Christain retreat in the San Berdadino Mountains years ago. Total strangers at the time.
Amy -- I only look on the sights. Way back when I did hook up, we were engaged too, but it didn't work out at all. I think I'll just stay single.
Elaine -- The last dance is always the most special dance. The one that lasts in your memory.
Becky -- The DMV turned out to be a bust. No biggie.
Christine -- I did stop looking -- years ago. Don't know where he is, but obviously he's not looking for me. It's okay. I've decided I have too much baggage.
Rebecca -- What a great story. Knocking someone over. Love at first sight is always a good thing. And thanks for joining up here. Always nice to have a fresh face around.
Stephen -- I've always found I could tell my darkest secrets to a complete stranger.
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