I'm Just Not That Into You

Good Morning.

Last year, before all my falderal, I had a schedule for this blog -- Monday's were about love, Wednesday's were about writing, and Friday's were at the Piedmont Grille. I liked that schedule and I think I'm going to try and go back to it since I'm not crazy busy anymore.

So here we are on Monday, and I'm going to write about love. Or should I say my lack thereof. For long -time readers of my blog, you know I'm a single parent, and some of you may also know my ex- finally got his act together and moved back to NC to be near our daughter. What most of you don't know, however, is that my ex- has moved back into our home.

NOT to be with me. To be near our daughter. Let me repeat that -- NOT to be with me.

Right from the get-go, I made it quite clear in no uncertain terms that WE were not a couple anymore. I had no desire for us to try and work things out and we would maintain separate bedrooms. (Which, luckily I had an extra one.) So far this has worked out well.

HOWEVER, I am approaching my 50th birthday in April and I keep wondering if I'll ever fall in love again.

One of the big internet dating sites had a "free" weekend this past weekend and I toyed with the idea of online dating. No, I didn't join. I mean, seriously, what would my ad say?

SWF, 50, w/7 yr. old daughter, seeks companionship one or two days per week to meet for coffee/chat. Cannot travel, cannot date at night, cannot bring you home because my ex- lives with me. Hobbies include -- BBC adaptations of Jane Austen, writing, reading, and trying to get a grip on housework. Must be between the ages of 45-60, single/divorced, like old rock and roll, be sober, have a job, and vehicle. Looking for long term commitment with no foreseeable future.

How many men do you know would answer an ad like that? Besides the crazies.

And truth be told, I don't even know if I'm actually serious about getting into another relationship these days. I've got my career going on, The Monster is my top priority, and I've gained so much weight, well, I'm not exactly comfortable in my own skin.

But with spring right around the corner, and the (almost) promise of returning to the beach in RI again this summer, my thoughts have turned to the men I met on vacation last year. The guy on the beach, the guy in the fish department at Stop & Shop, and the chef at the restaurant where we ate like 6 times. (There are no men in NC that attract me. NONE.)

I've been in this "love limbo" for about 6 years now. It's not fun. And as the clock ticks closer to my big birthday I have to wonder if I'll ever fall in love again. I mean, I'm not looking to get married. I've remained free from the nuptial noose for this long, why bother. One in two marriages end in divorce anyway. Why be a statistic.

But the thought of remaining for the rest of my life without another someone to kiss good-night really has me bothered. The thought of never having sex again is kind of disturbing. (Then again, it has been 5 years, what's a few decades more. Sorry, that might have been a little too much information. But you know, this is my reality.)

The things I miss about men are subtle -- a shared joke, a mid-day call just to check in, bringing home a gallon of milk without me asking, help with the dishes. But that kind of stuff takes years to achieve. And I'm feeling like I don't have too many years left, before the looks completely fade, and the arthritis really sets in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy being single. I'm too independent and too set in my ways, I think, to really have what I might have wanted back in my 20's. But a nice lunch every now and again would be great. A walk through a museum or a night out at the theatre would be swell.

(And for those of you who say or think I should give my ex- another chance -- hush your mouth. THAT will NEVER EVER happen. I may have forgiven him, but I will never forget what he did to me and our daughter. There is no trust or respect left in that relationship.)

So tell me -- Do you think love after 50 is possible? Or am I more likely to get hit by lightning at 12,000 feet in an airplane?

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a place called Oceania, there lived a little cook. She was smart, she was beautiful and she waited for the day when she would meet her Handsome Cook Charming.

One day in Cook School, while she was beating her eggs, a very nice boy stopped by her station to say hello. He was so handsome she dropped her bowl of eggs and they splattered all over the floor. The boy helped her pick them up and every day after that he would meet her for coffee at the local Dunkin' Donuts. He made her laugh, and told her she was pretty, he was very handsome and very smart. They fell in love. But one day, the little cook introduced him to her best friend. Soon the little cook wondered why her handsome cook boy wasn't spending as much time with her as he used to. He gave her the excuse he was busy. But it wasn't true. The handsome cook boy was having an affair with the little cook's best friend. The little cook cried for a long time, but then, having graduated from cook school and started a new job, she soon forgot about the handsome cook boy.

At this new job, the little cook learned all about bartending. One day a handsome young man walked into the bar. He paid the little cook compliments, and left an enormous, outrageous tip. The little cook was flabbergasted at that, and went all over town searching for the handsome bar boy. She found him at last, and the two started spending so much time together, all their friends thought they should get married. The little cook thought that was a marvelous idea but the handsome bar boy said no. His mother did not like the little cook, and we all know that handsome bar boys must do as their mother tells them.

As the little cook progressed in her career, one night out with friends, she met a handsome sailor boy. Now some people believe in love at first sight, and the little cook was one of them. The handsome sailor boy was SO handsome he made the little cook's heart beat so fast she thought it would beat right out of her chest. The handsome sailor boy thought she was witty and clever and charming. The little cook adored the handsome sailor boy, but soon the handsome sailor boy began asking the little cook about her passion. She answered, "Well, of course, that's you." And he replied, "No, someTHING you are passionate about?" The little cook couldn't think of anything other than him. The handsome sailor boy's passion was sailing and didn't want to think about love with the little cook, so one day he got on a boat and sailed off to the Keys.

After a long time, the little cook decided she would try something called internet dating. She met a handsome teacher man who said she was wonderful and how he loved her food and he would love her forever, if she would only marry him. The little cook took him home to meet her parents. They thought he was wonderful. The little cook planned their wedding with glee, bought a beautiful gown, booked a restaurant, and had the invitations made up. One day, the little cook overheard a conversation the handsome teacher man was having with his best friend. The friend asked if the handsome teacher was really going to go through with the wedding. The handsome teacher said, "Of course. Once her parents die, she will get all their money and that fabulous beach house. I won't have to work another day in my life." The little cook cried and cried and ran away.

After a very long time, the little cook found herself working at a casino in the far-off land of Nevada. There she dated a lot of nice men, a lot of handsome men, and a lot of okay men. The little cook's heart had been broken one too many times for her to trust herself as far as men were concerned so she kept her secret heart hidden from everyone. Until she met the handsome miner man. They dated, and dated, and dated, and then one magical Christmas Eve he told her he loved her. The little cook was in heaven and her heart blossomed open again. Until one day, the handsome miner man's ex-wife showed up in town. Unfortunately for the little cook, the handsome miner man wanted to get back together with his ex-wife and broke the little cook's heart. So the little cook ran away back home to Oceania.

A long, long time passed. One night as she and her BFF were having a refreshing liquid beverage, a boy from her old high school came into the tavern. He spent time with the little cook and her friend and made them laugh until they cried. He told the little cook he wanted to see her again and again and the little cook said that would be okay. Finally, the little cook began to believe that the high school boy truly loved her. One day, to her complete surprise the little cook found out she was going to have a baby. She knew she would love the baby and she knew she loved the high school boy so she decided to keep it. The little baby was beautiful, everyone said so, and the little cook was so happy she cried. But then, one day, the little cook found out the high school boy had lied to her...about everything. He did not love her, or the baby, he did not own his own construction business, he did not even own the construction truck. He was a professional con man and he only wanted to be with the little cook because she had made so much money cooking. But now she had the baby, the little cook had stopped working and there was no money. He left her and the baby to fend for themselves in the big, cold, world.

The little cook and her little baby went back to her parents beach house where they lived happily for a long time. The little cook did not think about love anymore because she had so many other things to think about. One day, her parents told the little cook that she and her baby would have to leave the beach house and move away to a place called the Piedmont. The little cook cried and cried, she loved the beach house and didn't want to leave it ever but she had no choice. She couldn't find a place for her and the baby and the two dogs and the cat to live. So she packed up all her belongings, the baby, the two dogs and the cat and moved to the Piedmont to be next to her parents who were suddenly very old. The little cook knew it was her responsibility to take care of them for they had taken care of her all their lives. The little cook was miserable. She had no friends, she had no job for no one wanted to hire a little cook from a place called Oceania, and she had no love.

After a long time, the little cook adjusted to her life in the Piedmont. She had finally made one friend, her little baby was in school, and the little cook had written a book. One day, she met a wizard who told her that her handsome Cook Charming was on his way. The little cook laughed in his face. The wizard said, "You will be very surprised when this happens. He is coming from far across the sea. You see, he has been looking for you all his life." And the little cook asked the wizard, "If what you say is true, how will I know this is the Cook Charming I have been waiting for all my life and not just another low-life scumbag who sucks all my love or wants to marry me for my parent's money." And the wizard said, "You must open your heart and not be afraid. He will possess great strength, and fortitude when it comes to loving you. He will also possess a bright gleam in his beautiful green eyes when he looks at you and your lovely daughter. He will have his own job and his own money and his own vehicle. He will love you and care for you and forgive you for not believing him when he tells you he loves you. Know what I say is true." The little cook wanted to believe the wizard so she asked him, "When will he come?" And the wizard replied, "I do not know. I only know he's on his way if you believe."

So the little cook waited....


Happy Valentine's Day!!

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away called Oceanna, lived a woman who cooked. She cooked for the King & Queen, the peasants, the merchants, the scholars, she cooked for everyone. The people loved her food and news spread far and wide how fantastic it was. She was happy and healthy and loved her job. One day, a messenger came and asked the cook if she would relocate to a land even farther away so she could cook for other people. She decided that she would go, even though it broke her heart to leave, but life was all about adventure wasn't it. And the new people would love her food too so it wouldn't be so bad.

It was worse. She cooked and cooked in this new land but nobody ate her food. So it went rotten. She cooked more food, but the new people thought it was horrible and different and wouldn't even taste it. The little cook became sad and put away her spoons and mixing bowls, turned off the oven and decided to do something else to make money to return to her former land. But no one would hire her because she couldn't do anything else besides cook. They knew her food was horrible and different so why should they take a chance on her.

The little cook had no money, no job, no friends, and no way of ever getting back to Oceanna. One day she crawled into her bed and cried herself to sleep. She stayed there for many months until one day she woke up and said to herself, "I can read and write, I'll write a book, sell it, and then I can go back home to cook." So she wrote her book, every day, scribbling and scratching away and one day, she wrote "The End". The book was finished and she ran into the town to show the booksellers to see if they would buy her book. They said no, she was a cook, not a writer, how dare she write a book. The little cook was even sadder. How was she going to get home now?

One day, she was walking down the path that led to the Great Forest. She thought if she walked far enough she might get to the other side and be able to find her way back to Oceanna. On the path was a beautiful fairy princess who said,
"Oh little cook, I've seen how sad you are. No one will eat your food, or be your friend, or buy your book so you can return home. But if you will come with me perhaps I can assuage your sadness." So the little cook went with the fairy princess who showed her a darling little cottage in the woods. It was all set up with a bedroom and furniture, enough food in the fridge to eat, and a brand new shiny computer with printer all set-up for her to use. The little cook was surprised but happy and sat down at her little computer and started banging at the keys and found herself writing more and more and loving every minute of it.

Then, just when she was getting ready to see if the booksellers would buy a different book she had written (because it was written in a different genre and POV) the fairy princess came back. "Oh little cook, I have some news. There is a couple in the town who would like you to cook for them. They have just moved here and cannot eat the food in town. They have sent out a search team to find someone to cook for them and I thought of you. However, you must go through three tests to get this job. If you pass the tests and get the job you will be rewarded with riches beyond your imagining. If you work for a year, you could return to Oceanna with enough money to buy new pots and pans. But first you have to pass the three tests."

The little cook was in a quandry. What was she to do? She finally had found something else to make her happy but now was the opportunity to make all the riches she had once had, and enough to allow her to return home.

"Okay," she said, "What are the three tests?"

"First," said the fairy princess, "you have to write down all the things you know about cooking. Every single thing. Then you have to go to this place called 'A Big Box Office Store' and FAX them all you have written. If you pass that test, then you will be granted the first interview. If after you pass the interview, you will have to pass another test, a back ground check to see if you are trustworthy enough. If you pass that test, then you will go through two more interviews, and then you will be asked to cook for the new couple to see if they like your food."

The little cook thought that was a lot of work to just do something she loved and was good at, but the riches were so great, and she wanted to go home so badly, she said, "Yes, I will do it." However the fairy princess warned that if she got the cooking job she would have to give up her writing. There was no way she could do both. The cooking job would take up all her free time.

But then, in a bizarre twist of fate, a bookseller said he was interested in a short story she had written, it was very well done, and would she like to have it published. The little cook jumped for joy and cried because she was so happy. She was proud of her writing and wanted to continue with it, she had finally been validated but then she thought about the riches that were to be gained by cooking to go home.

What was she to do?