Monday, February 20, 2012

I'm Just Not That Into You

Good Morning.

Last year, before all my falderal, I had a schedule for this blog -- Monday's were about love, Wednesday's were about writing, and Friday's were at the Piedmont Grille. I liked that schedule and I think I'm going to try and go back to it since I'm not crazy busy anymore.

So here we are on Monday, and I'm going to write about love. Or should I say my lack thereof. For long -time readers of my blog, you know I'm a single parent, and some of you may also know my ex- finally got his act together and moved back to NC to be near our daughter. What most of you don't know, however, is that my ex- has moved back into our home.

NOT to be with me. To be near our daughter. Let me repeat that -- NOT to be with me.

Right from the get-go, I made it quite clear in no uncertain terms that WE were not a couple anymore. I had no desire for us to try and work things out and we would maintain separate bedrooms. (Which, luckily I had an extra one.) So far this has worked out well.

HOWEVER, I am approaching my 50th birthday in April and I keep wondering if I'll ever fall in love again.

One of the big internet dating sites had a "free" weekend this past weekend and I toyed with the idea of online dating. No, I didn't join. I mean, seriously, what would my ad say?

SWF, 50, w/7 yr. old daughter, seeks companionship one or two days per week to meet for coffee/chat. Cannot travel, cannot date at night, cannot bring you home because my ex- lives with me. Hobbies include -- BBC adaptations of Jane Austen, writing, reading, and trying to get a grip on housework. Must be between the ages of 45-60, single/divorced, like old rock and roll, be sober, have a job, and vehicle. Looking for long term commitment with no foreseeable future.

How many men do you know would answer an ad like that? Besides the crazies.

And truth be told, I don't even know if I'm actually serious about getting into another relationship these days. I've got my career going on, The Monster is my top priority, and I've gained so much weight, well, I'm not exactly comfortable in my own skin.

But with spring right around the corner, and the (almost) promise of returning to the beach in RI again this summer, my thoughts have turned to the men I met on vacation last year. The guy on the beach, the guy in the fish department at Stop & Shop, and the chef at the restaurant where we ate like 6 times. (There are no men in NC that attract me. NONE.)

I've been in this "love limbo" for about 6 years now. It's not fun. And as the clock ticks closer to my big birthday I have to wonder if I'll ever fall in love again. I mean, I'm not looking to get married. I've remained free from the nuptial noose for this long, why bother. One in two marriages end in divorce anyway. Why be a statistic.

But the thought of remaining for the rest of my life without another someone to kiss good-night really has me bothered. The thought of never having sex again is kind of disturbing. (Then again, it has been 5 years, what's a few decades more. Sorry, that might have been a little too much information. But you know, this is my reality.)

The things I miss about men are subtle -- a shared joke, a mid-day call just to check in, bringing home a gallon of milk without me asking, help with the dishes. But that kind of stuff takes years to achieve. And I'm feeling like I don't have too many years left, before the looks completely fade, and the arthritis really sets in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy being single. I'm too independent and too set in my ways, I think, to really have what I might have wanted back in my 20's. But a nice lunch every now and again would be great. A walk through a museum or a night out at the theatre would be swell.

(And for those of you who say or think I should give my ex- another chance -- hush your mouth. THAT will NEVER EVER happen. I may have forgiven him, but I will never forget what he did to me and our daughter. There is no trust or respect left in that relationship.)

So tell me -- Do you think love after 50 is possible? Or am I more likely to get hit by lightning at 12,000 feet in an airplane?


Talli Roland said...

I think people can fall in love at any age - what makes a relationship is a different story. Compatibility gets harder as you get older, because you know what you want and what works for you. That said, though, strengths can complement weaknesses and I really believe there are many combinations possible of different personalities and such! Does that make sense? I've no idea what I've just written here! :)

Linda G. said...

Of course it's not impossible! Just keep an open mind and an open heard, and you never know when it might show up. :)

February Grace said...

love can find you when you least expect it, and whether you want it to or not...keep a ittle flame of hope alive, you never know what can happen. xoxo bru

Sarah Ahiers said...

I dunno. I mean, i have a hard enough time finding someone at 30, so who am i to say?
But my aunt got married after 50, so it's doable if you want it bad enough

Bossy Betty said...

Yes, yes, yes. I have to believe that at this this point. You have to believe this too. Got it?

Johanna Garth said...

I'm a big believer in Never say Never.

Also I think love always happens when you're least expecting it.

Wow, two cliches in one post...sorry about that but I do think there's a lot of truth to them both!

DL Hammons said...

I'm like Johanna...never say never. It is difficult to meet people nowadays though, so I wouldn't dismiss internet match-up sites. You could live just down the street from the perfect fella, but the two of you just don't frequent the same places. Don't close yourself off from ANY possibilities! :)

Christi Goddard said...

I know plenty of people who got married after 50, so don't give up yet. You might be more comfortable waiting until monster!baby is older, but there are ways to meet people who are also independent and set in their ways who are also just looking for someone to spend time with.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

It will happen again! Funny thing, it will probably happen when you are least expecting it. I have good friends at my church who are in their sixties - and newlyweds. So it can happen at any time!

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Absolutely. There's no "best if used by" label on love. It can happen at any age, but I don't think Mr. Right is gonna come knocking at your door out of the blue. You have to put some effort into getting out in the world to meet men. (Hey! You've got a built-in baby sitter now, right?)

JeannetteLS said...

I've seen it happen to some women over fifty. I've also seen some women try and basically get run over by a freight train by men over fifty who were "trying them on" and then moved on to someone younger.

I guess it's a matter of being open to it. We send off signals I think, that say "STAY AWAY" and some that say, okay, you can talk to me. I don't know about internet dating. The women I know who ultimately had success were hellbent on getting married again, so they were willing to go through the small talk with men they ultimately could not stand.

BUt I DO think that love can happen and be wonderful, even if it winds up not being longterm.

Me? I just want to get... But I want it done WELL!

Never mind.

Donna Hole said...

Of course love after 50 is possible; even desireable. And you have a lot to offer a relationship; strength of character, strong work ethic, creative talents, not to mention the desire for companionship.

Sometimes I think that companionship is more cherished at our age than when we were younger. You are stable, and more certain of yourself.

I'm not looking for romance right now, but I have glanced at the dating sites. But I'm at a stage where I'm to ME focused - getting the kids moved out of the house, a growing writing career, continuing my professional career, cleaning house when I feel like it . .

I want a guy to take care of my, not the other way around. But yeah, I'd love the occasional date, and maybe some fringe benefits :)


Mark Koopmans said...

I'm on my second marriage and am glad I didn't give up.

That's what I would say to you, Anne, don't give up, but don't stress about it either... and then you might find that love is behind the counter at the book store or in the bay of the local Jiffy Lube :)

Good Luck ;)

Anne Gallagher said...

Thanks everyone. I didn't realize how pathetic I actually sounded until I read all your great comments.

I'm not actively seeking male companionship at this time, but I am thinking about it. Of course, I wouldn't know where to look for it these days, maybe the next time I go home for vacation. WE'll see.

I've got too many other things to keep focused on these days anyway. But thanks for all your cheery attitudes. I'm not giving up just postponing for a little while longer.

Elliot Grace said...

...sometimes it happens when you're not looking. Sometimes one stumbles into it blindly...and never looks back.

Someone as classy as you? Oh yeah, he's out there. And when you least expect it, you'll find him ;)


Liza said...

How is it that at this very moment...sitting next to me on the couch is a book with almost the exact same story line...(ex returns to be with the daughter). I'll let you know how it turns out. It's nice to get a little peek at who you are behind the pseudonym. :)