If Wishes Were Horses

You are never
given a wish
without also being given
the power
to make it true.

You may
have to work for it
however.




Richard Bach Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

In Their Own Words -- Anne

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you very much for stopping by and reading this series. It was a lot of fun and I liked the way it turned out.

I felt it was important to do this. My characters are ALWAYS talking to me. Sometimes, I think I'm possessed. And because I can't show you all of the book, I thought it might be nice for you to meet them, in person, so you could hear the way they really sound.

For anyone who wants to do this, on your own, or on the blog (which would be really cool), I think it helps to have a clear definition of what your character looks like first. Which is the reason for the pictures. Not only do they help you picture your characters in your mind's eye, they help with the clarity of their voices as well.

Now, some people can "see" their characters right from the get-go. I could only see Genna when I started. I knew she looked like Jessica Alba, and for the longest time Tony was a young John Travolta (from Saturday Night Fever actually.) This was also at the beginning and I was trying to write a true romance.

But as the story began to take shape and I knew I wasn't writing romance anymore, but women's fiction, I knew that my Tony wouldn't work for me through the long haul. And then one day Dylan McDermott magically appeared on my tv screen and wah-la, the real Tony was born.

When I posted my pictures of the characters a few weeks ago, some of you didn't really like Jessica Alba as my Genna. You said she was too young, her hair wasn't dark enough. I agreed. I really liked Jessica, but I always knew she was too young, hence, the finding of the new Genna. I like my new Genna, she fits the story, as well as my character description, and she's just absolutely beautifully perfectly Italian. Even though she's Irish.

Once I had everyones faces, I could also "hear" their voices. My writing became a whole lot easier after that. Kind of like a blind date: your friends can tell you everything about that person, but until you meet them, or see them in person, you have no clue. Sure they "sound great on paper", but until you know they don't look like Ronald McDonald, they're just a blur in your mind.

When the lovely and very talented E.Elle did this series on her blog, I was in total awe of her. I was jealous of her. I lamented that I couldn't do it, I couldn't try it, I couldn't figure out HOW. And then, once I got the pictures, for some reason, it all became clear. I could see them and hear them, found their mannerisms and their quirks. Uncle Sally's Italian. Angie's, 'I mean's', Aunt Fortuna repeating herself. We all speak differently as people, so should your characters. I'm sure if this ever gets picked up I'll be in revision hell for all my -- what'd'ya', coulda', I've got, and eh.'s

Don't get me wrong, this was fun but it wasn't easy. I worked on each of these sketches endlessly, sometimes right up until they posted, just to get their 'voices' right for you. (I'm a perfectionist that way.) I wanted you to hear what I hear when they talk to me. I hope I did a good job.

So here are the three things I've learned from doing this --

1) It's easier if you have pictures. And good pictures, not just stock photos. It took me 2 days to find Minnie Driver dressed like a "cousin at the christening" instead of a moviestar.

2) Voices don't fully form until at least half way through the book. They haven't done enough in the beginning, they're still flailing around, trying to decide if they want to be good or bad or mischievous. They change their minds and their attitudes. By 50K they've finally settled into who they're supposed to be.

3) And writing is truly a subjective business. Some of the comments you left really surprised me -- especially about Tony and Genna. Especially from the men. I guess this just proved to me why some people (agents) love what they read and some don't.

So thanks everyone for stopping by. It was great having you and I really enjoyed hearing what you thought about "my people". I really hope you all try this. It's not only great fun, but you really do learn so much more about your characters.

Have a great weekend.

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In Their Own Words -- Genna

Hi. My name's Genna. But you probably knew that already didn't you. This is so strange having to talk about myself but I guess there are still some things that have to be said.

I know everyone else has pretty much told you my story. My sad little story. It's not how I imaginged my life to be that's for sure. I had a pretty normal childhood. Piano, ballet, little league. Mommy would take me down to the beach all the time. Mommy loved the beach. Even in winter. She said it soothed her soul. Especially after talking to Nana. Nana didn't want Mommy to marry my father. She said he wasn't good enough and let Mommy know it every chance she could. Nana can be a jerk sometimes.

Pappi was a baker. He worked for a bread company in Fall River. He liked it I guess but I know he always dreamed about him and Uncle Sally opening up a bigger restaurant, where Uncle would cook and Pappi would make the desserts. I guess that's why I always wanted to be a chef. So I could follow in my father's footsteps.

Pappi was so handsome. And Mommy was beautiful. I look like her but I have Pappi's nose. Oh God, I miss them so much sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love my aunt and uncle more than anything in the world, but my parents were my parents. After they died, well, I learned to look at life a lot differently.

It sucks. I mean, I've gotten used to it, but it still sucks. I feel like an orphan, and I have more relatives than I can even count. I have more love in my life than I know what to do with. But you know, sometimes I feel so alone. Which is why I guess I've been in therapy for the last fifteen years.

I think this is also why I'm such a workaholic. I want to prove to them, my parents, that I can do things. I don't want to wallow in self-pity and depression. It could eat me alive. Tony taught me that.

I know, I know, Tony is a sleaze. You all think so. Everybody thinks so. And that's where my head and my heart get all messed up. I know Tony, deep down. He loves me. Really loves me. No one else can see that, but I know Tony. He's just screwed up that's all. His parents did it to him. His father was a raging alcoholic, his mother, a bitter old bitch. But Tony worked it out. He had me. And after my parents died, I had him.

We had a good thing for awhile. But then he married Debbie. I guess if I look back on it now, with a clear head, I can see where the money would have been the deciding factor. That's one thing I can say about Tony, he always had ambition. His problem was he never wanted to wait for anything. Totally into instant gratification. And when Debbie offered him the money, well, I can see where that would be tempting. I was in Italy, what could I do? I was trying to learn all there was to know about real Italian food, yeah, so we could use it in the restaurant.

And when I came back he realized just what he did. His instant gratification killed him. And us.

And now, here we are. We had a long talk, said all the things we wanted to say. I've forgiven him the past. He says he wants a future. He says he wants to try again. And with Nana's money we could open that restaurant we always dreamed of. It would be so easy to fall right back into his arms. So easy. Well, you know, I already did. But it wasn't right somehow. It felt cheap. Like I was trying too hard to get back the past. I don't know, does that make any sense? But I don't think we can go back. We have to move forward. Can I move forward with Tony? Do I take that chance?

And now there's Pete. Oh God, Pete. Have you met him? Madre di Dio, is he a hottie or what? He's soooo great! And funny, smart, and real nice. Did I tell you he sent me flowers the other day. Isn't that the sweetest thing? Men don't send flowers anymore. Any girl would give her right arm to snag him. I know I really want to. He kisses like a dream. And you should see him in his uniform.

I'm leaving to go back to Delaware in ten days. I don't want to lead Pete on, I don't want him to think there's a future for us if there's not. And what kind of future would it be? Long distance relationships never work out. I'm working, he's working. And what about Tony? I've been in love with him my whole life. We have a history. We could have a future. It would be so easy.

What am I going to do?

New Genna

I just wanted to let you know I found a new Genna. So many of you said the woman I picked wasn't old enough, or had dark enough hair, so I found someone else, someone who I think fits the bill even better. Who even has her father's nose.

I just wanted to let you all know so when you see her tomorrow you won't be shocked.

In Their Own Words - Tony

Hey, my name is Tony Testa. I live in Bristol, Rhode Island. I'm a chef for a restaurant over in Swansea. It's not the greatest job, but it pays the bills.
I used to have my own restaurant but I lost it when I lost my wife to cancer six years ago. But that's a long story, and I don't really want to talk about it.

You want to know about Genna. How we met. What my attraction is to her. Well, that's simple. She's great. She's beautiful, smart, funny, nice. What else is there to say?

I met Genna when she was fourteen, I was sixteen. My family got invited to one of my mother's cousin's kid's first communion parties and Genna was there. She was beautiful, even back then. And sweet. She looked like cotton candy in her pink sweater.

I guess she wanted to meet me too because she made it a point to grab some money off her old man and plug it in the juke. I was standing next to it. I asked her to go outside with me to have a cigarette and she did, even though she didn't smoke. She burned my arm when she kissed me. It didn't matter. I wanted to kiss her again but it started raining so we jumped in my old man's truck and just as things started to get hot and heavy, her cousin Rob comes out and has a fit. Well, after I found out what happened, I could understand why. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver.

I had actually met Genna's uncle Sal earlier that same night and he offered me a job. I was supposed to start Monday but due to the funeral I didn't start until the next week. I didn't see Genna for a long time. She was all screwed up, I mean who wouldn't be after you lose both your parents like that. She finally started coming around the diner later in the spring. After school, she'd sit with her aunt out front until Sal was done for the day.

That summer she started working there, bussing tables. She was real quiet. Not shy, just real quiet, serious all the time. So I used to tease her, try and make her laugh. I felt bad for her, everybody did, but they didn't know how to make it right for her. They walked around her on eggshells afraid she would freak out or something. I just figured her life sucked and why shouldn't she at least try and have some fun once in a while, have a laugh. It couldn't hurt right?

Well, I kept working there and she kept working there and we got along great. Sal had told me if I touched her he'd cut my balls off and I believed him. So I left her alone. Until she turned sixteen. I waited nearly two years and I did the right thing, I asked Sal if I could ask her out. I hadn't screwed up at work, I kept my nose to the grindstone, even learned how to cook, so he said yes.

We dated and dated and dated and on the night of her high school graduation, we finally had sex. I was 20, she was 18. Don't get me wrong, I'd had sex with other bimbos while I was dating Genna, not to say Genna's a bimbo, because she's not. I had Genna up on the pedestal where she belonged. And hey, I never said I was a saint, I'm a hot blooded Italian male. A man's got to get some, right?

Anyway, I finally left the diner and started working at this real fancy restaurant to learn the trade. Genna went to Johnny Wales down in Providence. (Johnson & Wales Culinary Institute) Things were going the way they were supposed to. I had my own apartment, had some money, was finally starting to think I could be somebody. Me and Genna never talked about marriage, well, she did, I just never listened. I figured we'd wait, maybe by the time I was 30 or so.

So she graduates from Johnny Wales, and throughout all the years she was in school, our dream was to open our own restaurant. I had about fifteen grand saved, she had maybe ten but it wasn't enough. Not for what we wanted to do. We decided to ask Sal for some money, a loan for fifty G's. He says yes, but on the condition we get married, or at least engaged. He's not going to make that kind of committment if I'm not. I'm pretty much screwed and I know it. And it's a loan, so I've got to make sure I can pay it back. But Genna's got all these crazy ideas, and they all cost money. Jesus, she wanted to spend almost three grand on a friggin convection oven. And we weren't even doing that kind of food.

Anyway, Nana Rocco gives Genna a trip to Italy for her graduation. For six weeks. I always knew Nana had that kind of dough, so I told Genna to just ask her for it. She wouldn't and it pissed me off. Bad. So Genna leaves and I start screwing around with Debbie Martino. She'd been one of my bimbos before and I guess she was really into me. We start talking about the restaurant one night, what I want to do with it, all that shit, and she listens to me. Doesn't give me any grief. Tells me how smart I am, how wonderful it sounds. And then, like two nights later, she tells me her father will make the investment, fifty grand is all mine if I marry her. (What is it with these old Italian guys marrying their daughters off?) It'll be a wedding present, I won't have to pay it back. What could I say?

There it was, all the money, in my hands. Yeah, I had to marry Debbie but shit, she wasn't so bad. She didn't fight with me about the restaurant, she was good in bed, she just wanted a little stability. Her old man was living in Florida and she was lonely. So I married her two weeks before Genna came back.

I wanted to tell Genna myself, but Debbie got to her first. My whole plan was to get the money, get the restaurant up and running, divorce Deb and then me and Genna could get back together. Two years tops. But the shit hit the fan and Genna left town. No one would tell me where she was. I searched and searched, I felt bad, I really did, I wanted to explain it to her but I couldn't. After a while, I just gave up. Then Deb got sick with cancer. I lost everything. Her, the restaurant, the house, everything.

And then, last week, I'm sitting at Sal's diner, and who walks in out of nowhere, but Genna. I almost shit my pants. She looks exactly the same. I tried to talk to her that day but she didn't want to hear it. Can't say as I blame her. Last Wednesday I happen to see her truck at Billy's Beach Bar in the middle of the afternoon so I go in. She tells me old Nana Rocco just dumped a quarter of a million dollars in her lap, early inheritance, and she's celebrating by herself. One thing leads to another and we go back to my place. The sex was great, like it used to be but she flips out, says it was a mistake. I call her a couple days later to apologize, we get together and I finally tell her what went down with Debbie. We have a long heart to heart and I think I'm finally making headway. At least she doesn't hate me anymore.

I've got to get her back. I never stopped loving her. If I could change the past, I would. But now with Nana's money, here's our new beginning. We could actually get our shit together and start that restaurant like we always wanted to. And even put in a convection oven.

In Their Own Words -- Robby

My name's Rob. Genovase. I'm Genna's cousin. I'm not sure what you want me to say here. Genna's a good girl. Always has been. It was my job to make sure she stayed that way.

When Aunt Linda and Uncle Joey died, my Pop told me I had to watch out for her. Make sure she didn't do anything stupid. The shrink we all went to said so too. We had to watch her like a hawk, make sure she didn't O.D. or get into booze or even try to, God forbid, take her own life. I knew she wouldn't, Genna wasn't stupid, she was just sad. Unbelievably sad. Her whole life changed in the blink of an eye.

I remember that night we came home from the hospital, it was a long night, and my mother asked Genna if she wanted to sleep downstairs, or have her sleep upstairs with her, and Genna said no. She'd be all right. But my father insisted someone be with her so I went up. I slept on the couch. Genna went into her parents room. I left her alone, I figured she'd just needed to be with them, you know. But then I heard her crying. I didn't want to bother her, truth be told, I didn't know what the hell to do, but she sounded so broken, so damned heartbroken. So I went in.

I got on the bed with her and held her while she cried. I've never seen anybody cry so much. It was to be expected I guess. I thought she was asleep but she wasn't. She said to me, and I'll never forget this as long as I live, "Tony saved me tonight." I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. And she said, "Tony and me were making out in his father's truck. I was supposed to go home with Mommy and Pappi. If I had, I might be dead. Tony saved me."

Yeah. That's when it started. She loved him right from the get-go. Hero worship if you ask me but what could I do. Nothing was ever going to change her mind about him. So for all the time they were going out, I never said a word. I never told Genna he cheated on her, I never told her what a real asshole he was. I never told her he played the ponies and how much money he lost. Did he really think I wouldn't find out? Christ he was placing bets with Uncle Nino. But I never said a word.

Until he broke Genna's heart by marrying Debbie. Don't tell her I told you this, but after Genna left town, I tracked him down and beat the fucking shit out of him. I put him in the hospital too. Broken ribs, punctured lung, his pretty face wasn't so pretty when I got done with it, that's for sure. Ask Benny and Pauly, they were there. I was going to kill him. I'll tell you what, Testa was lucky they were there because I just might have.

Anyway, Genna's got a life now. Ten years without the bastard did her good. She's got a good job, a nice place down in Delaware, right on the water too. And old Nana Rocco dropped a nice chunk of change in her lap so she's got a good security blanket.

I swear to God though, if Testa decides he's going to try and get back with her, I'll fucking kill him this time for sure. Mark my word, I will. Although I think Pete'll have a better time with him. He's got a sweet Glock. He could use Testa for target practice.