Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Valentine's Day is for Sissies

I know I'm a few weeks late for Valentine's Day, but this is one of those posts that had to get written.

A long time ago, I used to schedule my blog a certain way. Mondays were for "writing" posts, Wednesday's were for "love" posts (as I am a romance writer) and Friday's were all about the Grille. Or was it vice versa with the love and writing? I don't know, I can't remember. But here we are on a Wednesday and I want to talk about love. And I think I will stick with this Wednesday arrangement until I run out of things to say about it.

However, I digress.

photo courtesy of
Anyway, as we all know, I am without a paramour at the nonce. This doesn't bother me as much as it used to because, well, I've gotten used to it. Same as I got used to not having a nice glass of wine, or the smell of the ocean as soon as I step outside. One's heart forgets how to yearn for things we think we want as time goes on. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

I had a dream recently though, that made my heart nearly break wide open. I was with a man in the dream, who coincidentally looked like this.
Cieran Hinds. Triple awesome covered in chocolate sauce with cherries on top.

I can't say for sure what we were doing together, I only know that we were "together". Something about a restaurant as well. Anyway, we were getting ready to open the restaurant for dinner and I got sick. Really sick. I had to go to bed, which I did, in my ratty flannel nightgown, hair a mess, snotty nose, and just plain fugly. At some point, Marie Osmond showed up sitting alone at a table, and was waiting for her food. She wasn't Marie in the dream, but just a nameless gorgeous woman.

I remember in the dream, Mr. Man walked over to her table and laughed and joked with Ms. Gorgeous. I stood hiding behind a crack in door watching all this take place. I KNEW he was going to make a play for her. I knew it to my bones and stood there crying and snotting all over myself. I was a wreck.

Somehow Mr. Man heard my blubbering, rushed into the kitchen, scooped me up, and deposited me back into my bed. Standing over me with a stern look on his face, he said, (in his sexy accent) "What do you think you're doing?"

And I said, (still crying), "She's so gorgeous, and has so much more to offer a man like you. I know you're going to leave me so just go already."

And he said, (are you ready for this) "Are you daft? What in bloody hell would I do with a woman like that? You're more than enough woman for me."

Okay, now that we've all picked ourselves up from our swoon, wasn't that just the coolest dream? And therein, my friends, lies the quintessential rub. It was just a dream.

I've done dream analysis over the years, and this only tells me what I've absolutely known about myself all along. This is the kind of man I want. One who doesn't care how I look. Or how much money I make. Or that I'm totally insecure about my relationship. One who doesn't just cover me with chocolate and candy hearts on Valentine's Day, but who's with me for the long haul, through sickness and health, richer and poorer, insecurities and snots, and ratty flannel nightgowns.

And please, this isn't a post about finding someone. I've heard it all before -- You'll find someone when you aren't looking. You'll find someone when you least expect it. You'll find someone in the frozen foods section at the market. blah blah blah. I'm not looking, haven't looked for YEARS. Perhaps I've set my standards just a tad too high, but I'm not backing down. I know who I want.

And no it's not "the perfect man". They don't exist. Everyone has their faults, myself included. It's what we can overlook that makes them perfect for us.

I have loved a few men during my lifetime. Really loved, passionately loved, would have died for that love, put up with what you wouldn't believe for that love. But none of them ever wanted to stick through with me to the end. None of them (obviously) cared enough deep down for me the way I cared for them. Sure I got cards and candy on Valentine's Day, flowers for an anniversary, even a diamond ring or two, but in the end it didn't last. That "thing" was always missing.

That "thing" being the inexplicable that binds two people together. For whatever reason, that you just "know" he's the one. That you can fight for and through whatever life throws at you and you'll handle it TOGETHER.

So leave me to my dreams of imaginary Cieran Hinds. He's more than enough man for me.

Tell me -- What is it about your significant other that makes him perfect for you? What faults do you overlook? Does he shower you with gifts only on Valentine's Day or will he hold your hair back when you throw up?

Anne Gallagher (c) 2013


Linda G. said...

What makes TG perfect for me? Probably that he isn't perfect. Perfect people get on my nerves. *grin*

The best thing about a fantasy man (like your dreamy Cieran) is that they can be exactly how you want them to be. You can take them out and play with them when you feel like it, and put them away--with no complaints--when you're busy elsewhere.

Shalet Jimmy said...

Thanks for such a wonderful post. This is exactly what I also think about the man and concept associated with it...Thank you again for such a wonderful post....

Anne Gallagher said...

Linda -- I guess this is why I'm a romance writer. I can always imagine a man, better than the real thing.

Shalet Jimmy -- You're welcome.

Stacy McKitrick said...

What a great dream! Sounds like a scene you could add to your next book, huh?

My husband is perfect for me because he makes me laugh. I think he makes it his goal each day to do that, too! Well, I'd like to think he makes it his goal. :)

Anne Gallagher said...

Stacy -- I love a man who makes me laugh. You're a very lucky woman.

Sarah Ahiers said...

ugh. That dream would have made me super sad for like a whole day. Same as the dreams where i get an awesome agent, or a book deal, and it's great and then i wake up

Johanna Garth said...

I think my perfect man is with me through ups and downs, which goes without saying. But also has the sense of adventure and appetite for life that matches my own.

Anne Gallagher said...

Sarah -- Let me tell you, I am STILL sad I had to wake up from that dream.

Johanna -- Those are good qualities to have in a spouse.

Jessica Brooks (coffeelvnmom) said...

Wow... loving that dream!!! ;) "Are you daft?" Apparently so because you were more than enough! (Awesome descripton!)

And what you said is exactly why Lovemuffin is perfect for me. He loves me. As in, knows everything about me, is the complete opposite of me in almost every way, and yet, still loves me to pieces. Regarding holidays, I'm at the point where I'd rather get the occasional surprise out of the blue and nothing on holidays. Those mean so much more to me--and a lot of times end up being a lot less expensive! ;)

I won't get all mushy and say your person with "that thing" is coming your way, other to say, he IS coming. There is a plan for you, a perfect plan, and when everything falls into place you will be so BLESSED! I promise :)

<3 Jessica

Jessica Brooks (coffeelvnmom) said...

*description (Blarg. Typo.)

VR Barkowski said...

Bad boys have always bored me to tears. It's a cliche I just don't get. Mr. VR is a nice guy with a warm heart. He's also incredibly intelligent. I have the common sense, he has the brains—it works. And yes, he's funny.

Here's hoping all your dreams come true, Anne. :)

~VR Barkowski

Stina Lindenblatt said...

You mean other than his amazing abs? :D

He's amazingly supportive about my writing. I couldn't want more than that.

MB Dabney said...

I know it's been a while since we have chatted via blogs and I hope you are doing well.
It must be a women-are-from-Venus, men-are-from-Mars thing judging by most of the comments you have gotten. But frankly, found the post truly sad. I am happy that you are content. It's a good thing to have regardless of one's marital status. But I still found it sad. Maybe it's because I have my love and we have been married for more than 35 years. I don't know.
Anyway, Angela is perfect for me because she knows the worst about me and loves in spite of it. She makes my life easy and happy. And I can't imagine what life would be like without her.

Caitlin said...

I love how vivid your dream was. Now let's see, my husband will and has held my hair back as I've thrown up. He only laughed a little when I was seven months pregnant with our second and sick as a dog with an upper respiratory infection that caused me to cough until I peed myself. Honestly, he's awful on holidays. It hurt me at first that he didn't "step up" on holidays and make a big deal out of things. But as time went on I realized that I didn't want those days. I wanted all year, and that's what I had right in front of me.


R and I celebrated our 50th anniversary in Nov. He still thinks I'm sexy. I still see him as the handsome man I married all those years ago.
We fight. Go round and round. Sometimes say mean things to each other. (It's been a long winter here in OH). But in the morning I'll crawl out of bed a wreck and he'll say you are still so pretty - the pretty girl I married! He still wants to love me. I still want to love him. There's nothing perfect about either of us. He's balding. I'm thin from an illness. WE've both had our share of troubles. But we still believe in each other and what we have. SOmetimes just sticking it out through the tough times your love grows stronger. I still don't know exactly what we have or why. But we do!
Success to you in finding a man who sticks, stays by your side and finds you beautiful after all those years together. Blessings, Barb

Read a short story from my collection on my blog. Thanks.

Donna Hole said...

Oh Lordy hon; all I can think is to tell you to watch Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Brave Heart, Road Warrior. True romance there - but the mayhem balances the dream sequence, lol.

Yes I know all the women die for their loves. Isn't that the point?

Of course, there is always Fools Gold with Matthew McConaughey to satisfy that HEA and love is not a sacrifice need.

Just saying Dearie :)


Hanny said...

All I can say is that because of this gentleman and Daniel Day-Lewis from "There Will be Blood" I really want a mustache.

Anne Gallagher said...

Jessica -- They say opposites attract so I'm glad you found yours. And I thank you for the optimism, but I'm much too cynical at this stage in my life to believe he will "find" me.

VR -- How great to see you again. Hope things are going well for you. I love funny men, so lucky you!

Stina -- Amazing abs! lol *snort* Good for you for finding someone supportive.

Michael -- Nice to see you again too. I'm not sad, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. If the right man shows up, then great, if he doesn't, oh well. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of great loves, but I'm not searching for the of-all be-all of my life anymore. If it happens, it does.

Caitlin -- Good for you for realizing how fantastic your husband is 365 days instead of just one or two. Nothing can take the place of someone holding your hair back. Except maybe a 5-carat diamond. lol

Barb -- That's so wonderful you've had such a long and romantic marriage. You're blessed, but you know that.

Donna -- Never saw Fool's Gold. Guess I'll have to view it.

Hanny -- Some women consider mustaches sexy. Go for it.