Okay I know, this isn't like a craft book or a writing class or anything like that, but bear with me and I'll try and explain. As you know, I've been working on the old house for the last forever it seems. One thing I learned a long time ago working with my carpenter brother is you need a good pair of work boots. They keep your ankles firm while climbing a ladder, they keep your toes from being broken if you have to kick something, and believe it or not, after they're broken in, they really are comfortable -- something about those big thick soles keep you firmly on the ground. Definitely not like high heels, no chance of breaking your ankle because you fell off them.
Okay, so this is what I basically look like, sans the beard. Oh, and add some thick hiking socks, the kind with the red band around the top. Yup, that's me, mismatched clothes and all, hair a mess, and let's not forget the paint smears on my forearms, hands, and one or two across the legs as well.
So, how does this get-up make me a better writer? Here we go.
1.) After a long day of painting (or lawn mowing, or whatever it is I'm doing) I go home to the Monster. I make her something to eat and then retreat downstairs to my office. Once I'm sitting in my chair, I can't get up. No, seriously. For one, I've been working all day and am just exhausted. Two, the damn boots are so heavy, I just don't want to move. Hence, I'm still sitting in my chair. What can I do -- why write of course.
2.) Now because I look like this I also don't go out much. Oh sure, at Home Depot everyone looks like this, so that's okay, but I never go out in public. (Okay, that's a lie, I go everywhere looking like this, but I keep my sunglasses on so no one will recognize me.) Anyway, because I don't go anywhere, I have nothing else to do but write.
3.) Wearing this get-up makes me look like a man. A big burly man. I suppose if I wanted to really make the look complete I could wear my pearls, but let's not get crazy. Okay, so wearing man clothes, and man boots, I start to channel man thoughts. And as I write romance, I really need to think like a man at least half the time.
4.) Work boots are heavy. No doubt about it. Mine weigh at least almost a 1.5 pounds each foot. Wearing them all day feels like walking through swamp mud. BUT, once you get used to them, as I said, they're comfortable and you don't really feel how much they drag. Wearing work boots all the time you never need to do pilates or aerobics or stair-step ever again. Let me tell you how fab my ass looks. And no more cottage chesse thighs. And if you're not wasting an hour a day at the gym, you have more time to write.
5.) And because I'm a savvy smart shopper, and my feet are size 9 women, which translates to size 7 men, I can buy my boots in the young men's department so they're a lot cheaper. (If I wait until after Christmas/January they also go on wicked sale.) So I'm also saving money because I'm not blowing wads of cash on fancy schmancy girly shoes that I'll only wear once because I fell off the high heels and broke my ankle. Which means I can buy books with the money I save.
So there you have it, my sure fire way of how wearing work boots can help make you a better writer. (And get you a J.Lo rear end as a bonus.)
Tell me -- Do you own a pair of work boots?