tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post814152923988802514..comments2023-10-05T05:20:59.743-04:00Comments on Piedmont Writer: Query Number ThreeAnne Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-42243910805041860582010-10-01T06:18:50.557-04:002010-10-01T06:18:50.557-04:00Shelley -- I like that "gripping drama"....Shelley -- I like that "gripping drama". LOL.<br /><br />Jude -- Thanks, Thanks for stopping by. I still like that opening line.<br /><br />VR -- Yeah, this was the last of the best of the queries over at TPQSP.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-9007298426505201072010-10-01T03:05:39.576-04:002010-10-01T03:05:39.576-04:00This is an amazing evolution, although, I admit, y...This is an amazing evolution, although, I admit, you lost me with the first line. There is too much detail and too many names (which you know), but the magical thing about this draft is everything is here: what the story's about, what Genna needs, her choice and what stands in her way. Can't wait to see how you narrow the focus and "trim the fat."VR Barkowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04927993233682731113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-33981667507853139042010-10-01T00:55:13.754-04:002010-10-01T00:55:13.754-04:00I really like the opening line and the first parag...I really like the opening line and the first paragraph. But yea, the rest has too many details I think...Judehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04587172836433015426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-60978816218527990672010-09-30T19:05:08.743-04:002010-09-30T19:05:08.743-04:00Getting better, Anne! You're really getting d...Getting better, Anne! You're really getting down to what your story is about and letting the gripping drama shine through. :)Shelley Slyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07981620646634240160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-77044951654125560462010-09-30T13:46:26.286-04:002010-09-30T13:46:26.286-04:00Michael -- Not a problem.Michael -- Not a problem.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-79664642982951610792010-09-30T13:46:06.780-04:002010-09-30T13:46:06.780-04:00Bish -- Ta Da. There it is for all the world to s...Bish -- Ta Da. There it is for all the world to see.<br /><br />E. -- You can scroll down if you want. I'm leaving these posts up for awhile.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-90475923054485013652010-09-30T13:45:16.369-04:002010-09-30T13:45:16.369-04:00Thanks for the advice on word count today.Thanks for the advice on word count today.MB Dabneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072264764613309071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-33691393425527606392010-09-30T12:31:02.702-04:002010-09-30T12:31:02.702-04:00I love that you can look so critically at your que...I love that you can look so critically at your query, in spite of being so close to it.<br /><br />I'm so sorry I missed reading and commenting on Query #2! But I can say that I definitely see improvement with each draft you post. I'm sure what you finally do send out is going to be awesome. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-48020202394146369812010-09-30T11:56:42.792-04:002010-09-30T11:56:42.792-04:00Yes, I agree, the "hook" makes no sense ...Yes, I agree, the "hook" makes no sense and it still seems long to me. And I finally know the "meat" of the story.Bish Denhamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13359927719391990534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-34152151510438458542010-09-30T09:49:59.782-04:002010-09-30T09:49:59.782-04:00Tara -- Now see, I didn't even realize that. ...Tara -- Now see, I didn't even realize that. Good thing, this isn't the version I'm using.<br />Yeah, my dogs are fancy footing all over the place trying not to step in puddles.<br /><br />Matt -- Thanks. Let's hope I get some interest by the 15th.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-37308017011827471372010-09-30T09:17:01.245-04:002010-09-30T09:17:01.245-04:00Well this is getting really good. Looking forward ...Well this is getting really good. Looking forward to the next version!Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-55294498220079842452010-09-30T09:00:12.608-04:002010-09-30T09:00:12.608-04:00You've done such a great job disecting your le...You've done such a great job disecting your letters, Anne!<br /><br />In the 2nd para, it reads like this is the first time in ten years they've had the *annual* 4th of July parade, lol.<br /><br />Are you drowning yet? My back yard is.<br /><br />TaraTLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01613912638668399684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-43018672254728764992010-09-30T08:17:14.166-04:002010-09-30T08:17:14.166-04:00Liza and Mac -- Thanks.Liza and Mac -- Thanks.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-36044914201210803072010-09-30T08:16:21.984-04:002010-09-30T08:16:21.984-04:00Impressed by your analysis. Know this will help me...Impressed by your analysis. Know this will help me see my own queries differently.Author R. Mac Wheelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15679108828353499313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-6086363073809121962010-09-30T08:11:13.492-04:002010-09-30T08:11:13.492-04:00Watching the progression...watching the improvemen...Watching the progression...watching the improvements...a terrific lesson.Lizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16170701034715108039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-33187263584454793502010-09-30T07:05:29.766-04:002010-09-30T07:05:29.766-04:00Clarissa -- Thanks, yeah, Matt is great. Although...Clarissa -- Thanks, yeah, Matt is great. Although I really liked the handbasket line and I will use it somewhere, sometime, in another book.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-18772460434952532012010-09-30T06:12:40.751-04:002010-09-30T06:12:40.751-04:00What a great review of a query. I agree with what ...What a great review of a query. I agree with what Matt says especially about the cliche. I didn't understand the hell in a hand-basket cliche and you don't want a publisher that doesn't either.<br />Great job.<br /><br />CDAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12160669603997465454noreply@blogger.com