tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post2399960716570912189..comments2023-10-05T05:20:59.743-04:00Comments on Piedmont Writer: Final QueryAnne Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-34098084496561980012010-10-07T21:45:06.498-04:002010-10-07T21:45:06.498-04:00This is an excellent query letter. No filler at al...This is an excellent query letter. No filler at all. It really gets me interested in wanting to read the book.notesfromnadirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09904500676081267972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-44909077049959459062010-10-04T12:38:31.071-04:002010-10-04T12:38:31.071-04:00I like the 21 days, it gives you more conflict. Gr...I like the 21 days, it gives you more conflict. Great letter.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00685341739870191402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-2731402264008821492010-10-04T10:51:03.883-04:002010-10-04T10:51:03.883-04:00I don't know if this is the entire query, but ...I don't know if this is the entire query, but I would also include word count, genre, target audience, working and proposed titles and rating at the very, very top.<br /><br />That said, note how few edit requests you got in the comments. The only hangups are nitpicks, and in fact I deleted my nitpick because it was just that -- a nitpick... DELETE!<br /><br />So I hope you are reading what is not written.<br /><br />Good job!<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-15747510491480730502010-10-04T10:14:56.598-04:002010-10-04T10:14:56.598-04:00I must admit I didn't read the others, but you...I must admit I didn't read the others, but your final query looks great. Like another commenter above, I'd lose the 'also clearly' in regard to the aunt.Wendy S Marcushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09590562856819593365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-38560053328442215162010-10-03T22:11:35.633-04:002010-10-03T22:11:35.633-04:00Ofcourse I'd like to read this book! Great wor...Ofcourse I'd like to read this book! Great work Anne. And helpful advise to remember to not be afraid to ask for help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-12600136676881781372010-10-03T21:17:14.096-04:002010-10-03T21:17:14.096-04:00I have to say, I really liked this! If I were at B...I have to say, I really liked this! If I were at B & N, and read this on the back of a book, or inside flap, I would have enough info to know what kind of book it was, a little of what it was about, and enough left unsaid that would cause me to wonder what would happen-to the aunt, the family, the lovers, her jobs, her choices.<br /><br />I think it's a winner!The Words Crafterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14520267901489487512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-45034468437576257642010-10-03T17:34:19.275-04:002010-10-03T17:34:19.275-04:00When I'm ready to query I'm going to be as...When I'm ready to query I'm going to be asking so many questions I'm probably going to annoy people. LOL! Good job!Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16915603693944523761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-32282840334661257962010-10-02T21:50:05.696-04:002010-10-02T21:50:05.696-04:00Much better, Anne! Bravo! :) I agree that the S...Much better, Anne! Bravo! :) I agree that the Slushpile is a valuable resource, and I plan on posting my second draft of my latest query on there in the next few days. I'll let 'em rip it to shreds -- better that than having an agent pass on it because it's poorly written.<br /><br />Hope you're having a good weekend!Shelley Slyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07981620646634240160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-64547311534700986792010-10-02T15:34:00.141-04:002010-10-02T15:34:00.141-04:00Thanks so much for taking us through your process ...Thanks so much for taking us through your process Anne! It's great to see how much got fixed and tweaked and moved, and your final result is a crisp clean query with no rhetorical questions. Sigh, I'm dreading getting mine out for another overhaul...Deniz Bevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17134553551048836979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-3543700902812458102010-10-02T10:57:00.577-04:002010-10-02T10:57:00.577-04:00Sounds like a great query letter to me. Of course ...Sounds like a great query letter to me. Of course you can always still tweak a few small things, but mostly that is just preference. After all, you never known what the agent will prefer: 4th of July, or Fourth of July. In the end it is up to you. When you are happy, or can not stand the pressure any more, just send it. :) I am sure you will be successful. Perseverance is more important than anything. I will try to take my own advice to heart and yours. Thank you so very much for all the encouragement. I really needed it. I will not forget to mention it in my Nobel prize speach. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-55099705468424555252010-10-01T22:04:13.804-04:002010-10-01T22:04:13.804-04:00Anne,
Thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot of ...Anne,<br /><br />Thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot of guts to post a query for all to see, and we both know how hard these things are to write! I wish you TONS of good luck when you start querying! :)<br /><br />JessicaJessica L. Brooks (coffeelvnmom)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17524862571932528710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-42400936250096851502010-10-01T16:14:34.638-04:002010-10-01T16:14:34.638-04:00I concur that the Slushpile is a great place to go...I concur that the Slushpile is a great place to go for advice. It can be very helpful to have people read the query who haven't seen the story, because the query-readers won't know the book, yet.<br /><br />Good luck with the queries. :)Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-41584186376928052982010-10-01T16:04:14.687-04:002010-10-01T16:04:14.687-04:00Excellent query, Anne. If I were an agent, I'd...Excellent query, Anne. If I were an agent, I'd ask for pages. <br /><br />May I get a bit picky? This sentence needs either a period or a semicolon, in my opinion: "It’s more than the pay and benefits, she has the chance to achieve what she’s always wanted – her own kitchen – and Genna can’t wait to get started when she returns after her Fourth of July holiday." <br /><br />I think it might be better like this: "It's more than the pay and benefits. She also has the chance to ...." <br /><br />Or this: "It's more than the pay and benefits; she has the chance ..." <br /><br />It just seems ponderous with the comma.Terry Toweryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13840835964828394622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-21385086458237871152010-10-01T15:25:10.528-04:002010-10-01T15:25:10.528-04:00Writing a query is harder for me than writing the ...Writing a query is harder for me than writing the novel. Takes a lot of work to get it right.<br /><br />Good luck with it.<br /><br />........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-52757244929301974572010-10-01T14:54:11.831-04:002010-10-01T14:54:11.831-04:00Nice. The first line really pulls you in, and I lo...Nice. The first line really pulls you in, and I love the line: "breaking the glass ceiling or her family." I'd try and limit the references to the vacation down to one time. It's in the first 3 paragraphs. It took me reading back through to realize it was all the same vacation. I also don't think you need to mention that it is the 4th of July in the query. That pulled me out of it for some reason.lotusgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06663641163048764869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-11301050922110212572010-10-01T11:14:15.240-04:002010-10-01T11:14:15.240-04:00This is so close Anne! Maybe not quite perfect, bu...This is so close Anne! Maybe not quite perfect, but such an improvement on the others. My guess is that as long as you are allowed to include your first five pages this will get you some requests based on the strength of your writing.<br /><br />Nicely done!<br /><br /><a href="http://theqqqe.blogspot.com/2010/10/hands-touch.html" rel="nofollow">Today's guest blogger in Christina Lee!</a>Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-66576017468687353402010-10-01T11:03:19.639-04:002010-10-01T11:03:19.639-04:00You say, "Final?"
Nothing's e v e...You say, "Final?" <br /><br />Nothing's e v e r final :O)<br /><br />I suggest losing the "also clearly"<br /><br />I'm ready to read the ms. -- MacAuthor R. Mac Wheelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15679108828353499313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-62155650752071914862010-10-01T10:25:14.595-04:002010-10-01T10:25:14.595-04:00Sarah -- Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it. I ...Sarah -- Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it. I was kind of worried you wouldn't. Yeah, I liked my cliche too.<br /><br />Jennifer -- Thanks for coming by and the luck. I need all I can get.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-29126308428882570572010-10-01T10:00:26.901-04:002010-10-01T10:00:26.901-04:00Oh, sounds great to me!! I love how you ended it t...Oh, sounds great to me!! I love how you ended it too.<br />Best of luck to you!!!Jennifer Shirkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16970585847385511795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-15717218531960558232010-10-01T09:59:55.774-04:002010-10-01T09:59:55.774-04:00oooh yes. this one is by far the strongest. The en...oooh yes. this one is by far the strongest. The end especially. I actually don't mind the cliche because it's not so literal and says exactly what you needed to saySarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-50599125127648470842010-10-01T09:41:33.786-04:002010-10-01T09:41:33.786-04:00Stephen -- But I like it. It says so much about G...Stephen -- But I like it. It says so much about Genna without me trying to figure out how to say it. I know what you mean, I really don't like to use cliche's. I made it a point in this exercise to NOT use cliche's. But I like that one. I'll make you a deal, when I send out the first 10 queries, if I get no requests, I'll dump the line.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-65454765122887762642010-10-01T09:28:53.707-04:002010-10-01T09:28:53.707-04:00Overall I like it very much. I would lose the &quo...Overall I like it very much. I would lose the "glass ceiling" cliche just the same. I think you have enough conflcit that you don't need to use it. Cliches are like gnarlt speed bumps you hit doing ten miles over the speed limit. Everyone is thrown around a bit, spills coffee, and their train of though is broken.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.stephentremp.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Stephen Tremp</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-66946136886823490652010-10-01T09:27:43.239-04:002010-10-01T09:27:43.239-04:00Tara -- Thanks. You're going to have to teach...Tara -- Thanks. You're going to have to teach me that signing in trick.<br /><br />T. Anne -- Thanks. Let's hope we can say it will be sooner rather than later that you will be able to read it.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-83869069616072535342010-10-01T09:07:31.878-04:002010-10-01T09:07:31.878-04:00I like this. I want to read this! The 21 days seem...I like this. I want to read this! The 21 days seems ambiguous and I want to know more.Tanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10518718614911804428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4174226224096540850.post-65416945568686621002010-10-01T09:00:47.441-04:002010-10-01T09:00:47.441-04:00This is so much more clear and concise than the pr...This is so much more clear and concise than the previous attempts. Best of luck with querying, Anne :)<br />Tara (who is too lazy to sign out of her email and into her blog.)TLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01613912638668399684noreply@blogger.com